iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 1:46pm

Hi all

I was just wondering what are some dealbreakers for you to NOT see a guy again or to end a relationship even though he may have more good qualities than bad.

I have trouble figuring out mine...but I do know a couple for

I would not, under any circumstances, date a guy who has kids. Maybe, just MAYBE...if I was a lot older (I'm only 22), and his kids were grown...and of course we would have to get along (if the kids and I didn't get along, I wouldn't bother) :)

I couldn't date a smoker. I was never attracted to a smoker before, but if I was...I think I would find his smoking habits so unappealing that it would make me unattracted to him.

I also would refuse to date a guy who had a habit of getting drunk.

I had dated a guy for a few years who had yellow teeth, believe it or not. It grossed me out beyond belief, but I thought if I stopped seeing him b/c of that one factor, then I would be shallow...and I thought he had more good qualities than bad so I continued seeing him, but that was one thing that bothered me and disgusted me way too often throughout our relationship, and I don't see myself ever going through that again.

My current boyfriend is overweight and has the most annoying habits like "adjusting himself" in the crotch area way too often, and he puts his fingers in his mouth a lot (to either bite his nails or clean them with his teeth...which I know sounds so disgusting). However, I don't contemplate breaking up with him over this, but it got me thinking as to what "quirks" or habits I could deal with, and what I would not put up with.

How about you guys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
In reply to: shark447
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 2:28pm

well I'm quite a bit older than you, so my list is a bit longer; lol.

A smoker, liar, cheater for starters.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
In reply to: shark447
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 9:34pm

Welcome to this board, Sharky. Sato covered a lot of ground here. I agree with what she said although it takes time to figure out what is annoying sometimes. I had a noise-in-the-throat guy for a long time. Said he'd quit smoking but I had doubts.

The obvious ones such as addiction, or abuse of any kind are common sense deal breakers, at least they should be. In fact, I've had friends who've repeated patterns of being with men who were addicted to various substances.

Age plays a part in all this and I'm older too, so yes, finances are a concern. Basically they're a concern so that in the future they won't be a concern. Make sense?

At your age I don't know if I'd even want a steady b.f. but that's another story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
In reply to: shark447
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 10:55am

Would not date -

a guy who wants kids, I do not

someone too into tv sports, football, baseball, etc. I could deal with a little like the Super Bowl or the World series. But no super fans, no every weekend, every night, or fantasy games, or betting

someone who wouldn't fix something. It's expensive to call a handy man for every thing, I'd prefer he's handy

no hard drugs or prescriptions

not adventurous in bed, or holds any ideas about "good girls don't"

no manners, this is actually pretty big for me. There is a time & place for things & if he didn't know them, I'd be embarrassed. Like, don't tell any private embarrassing stories about me, or do know what to wear when going to weddings, funerals, or to meet parents

secrecy, I'm pretty private, so privacy yes, but secrecy no. I'm really flexible, so just tell me & we'll move on

no gamblers, I don't play & see it as a waste of money

a picky eater, if it's hot dogs & pizza all the time, I'll lose interest. Bring on the sushi

too talkative or hyper, I'm pretty slow & easy as it goes

a spender, if toys are bought before the bills are paid, then no go


Otherwise it's just a matter of values & matching goals. If we want different things, the list is secondary.

Luckily BF is awesome as can be & only gets better. From the beginning, I thought we were too alike to be good for anyone else. ;-)

5 years

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: shark447
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 11:09am
Tulips-together and sato...I also love a handyman...and I dig those rough looking hands with calluses, lol. Unfortunately my boyfriend lacks those...but he still has good looking hands, I wouldn't stop seeing him over that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: shark447
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 11:12am

I think the big deal breakers are pretty obvious ones:

I wouldn't want someone who was dishonest (this would include cheating) or abusive--I'm pretty tired of people who can't control their temper. If we have a disagreement, which is inevitable, let's talk about it like adults, not have an argument that involves yelling or swearing.

No addictions to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or gambling. Moderate drinking is ok or occasional gambling if we went to a casino and he could stick to a limit of what he would lose and then stop.

Yes it's funny how us "older" women do think about someone who is financially responsible. If the economy weren't bad as it is now, I would say that someone would have to have a job, but I have a few friends who are responsible people who have been laid off through no fault of their own, so I would say that if a person has a history of always having worked I could overlook temporary unemployment, as long as I'm not supporting him.

He has to treat my children nicely and treat people in general in a nice way. I wouldn't respect someone who was mean to people in service kind of jobs, like waiters, or who wasn't respectful to people of diff. ethnic or social groups.

Other things could be annoyances, but wouldn't necessarily be deal breakers--I think we'd have to go on a case by case basis.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
In reply to: shark447
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 5:32pm

I so agree with the manners point!!

I cannot stand a man who has bad manners and is inconsiderate.