Do you believe in THE game?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2009
Do you believe in THE game?
5
Sat, 02-14-2009 - 4:24pm

Well, the title says it all.

When I ask some friends for advise I'm told I'm being childish because of all the thought I put into my moves.

Me, personally, I don't think it's childish. It's just that I believe in THE game. We all like the chase and we want what we believe we cannot have more than what is served to us. Men like to think that they won the prize and it was all their merit and we make them believe that it was. We, as human beings like mistery, mistery keeps the interest going.

Right now I'm attracted to this guy at work and there's this girl that's all over him. Of course he's flattered, and since we all like being flattered he stays around her. But don't you believe that unceirtainty is far more interesting?

The downside of this is I don't trust myself that much when it comes to these things so I have to ask around to see if my moves are ok. :(

What are your thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 12:33am
There are lots of things to consider in order to keep up with this very challenging world of dating..And yes you're right about the mystery. Dating is more like a game just like any other aspects in our lives we should learn how to deal with it and find the right strategy. First is to understand the opposite sex. That's the basic. Men like thrill of the chase, it evolved in their nature since pre-historic era when men go out in the wild to catch preys while women left in the caves to prepare food. Women communicate well during that era while men were more inclined to hunting. Next fact is that men like mystery as it cultivates interest. He may have fatal attraction on you at first met and the next thing you knew he's totally not into you anymore--its easy to catch a guy's eye on you but keeping his interest is far more complicated. A smart girl knows how to take the upper hand by playing it cool, add a li'l mystery by not spilling out every info about what's going on in her life because she knows she'll bore him and spoils the mystery. Third, keep your emotions in check.. a quality guy knows that falling in love should not be forced. If feelings naturally flows, let it flow in subtle way and keep it in check (this is the time most women act insecure and keep asking their man where the relationship going). Next, act like a prize. A woman who knows her worth is like a gemstone to his eyes. So keep your self-respect, integrity and dignity intact. Another one is strength of a character. If he could sense that you can stand on your own with or without him and that you're emotionally and financially independent, its one of the great qualities of a marrying type woman. Next, every one is attracted to a smart individual--so I suggest you cultivate more knowledge and apply it in practical situations. And one of the most important is to enjoy your life, be contented and happy with your own, settle your personal issues and unload emotional baggage before dating--it defines emotional intelligence and maturity (one of the most admirable character we all look for in a partner both in men and women).. After all no one likes to be with someone who has skeletons on her/his closet.. And no one will opt to live with someone whose desperate and miserable. Live up a life filled with passion and upgrade your social life by being more engaging (that what makes someone's life more interesting). Be competent in your career. TO sum it all up--love your self first before you share your life with someone else.. As to the guy you like--ask your self if he's a date-worthy means a guy with the qualities you look for.. Then ask your self what you want.. Then screen his qualities he may have the jerk in him you need to unravel..
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 2:54pm

the answer to your question is yes and no. I agree mystery is a crutial element in attracting and keeping a man. I've never been the aggressive type and in the past whenever there was a guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 1:17am

I am not exactly sure what to say here other than that I have read some pretty contradicting statements written by men from what these other women have replied with. I wont get into what it is exactly but here it is...


You can either a) beat yourself up b/c you didnt flirt with the guy or b)flirt with the guy/let him know your interested or give him an idea.


I beat myself up all the time for not talking to guys. What I have learned is that some guys dont know you like them w/o you giving them some clue. They need some encouragement. If he hasnt already asked that chick out that is throwing herself at him, he may not want

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 5:14pm

I think it depends upon your age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2009
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 6:47pm

Hey Mcnatis,

I agree. Although i dislike the term 'game' because you may end up dealing with someones emotions on a deeper level, i do agree with the concept of developing attraction & value, but not just to men, to everyone in my life including myself.

Firstly for myself i try to maintain my level of attraction and value as high as possible. I try to be the best i can be for me and no one else in all areas e.g. looks/career/health/interests/study/social etc. I create this life around me whereby i'm happy to say i'm the most attractive or i have the highest value i can.... just because i can.

I then work on my beliefs to KNOW these things about myself and appreciate them. I validate my own ego and my love who i am and in turn this helps develop my inner game or inner self.

Only then do i project this into the dating world. I admit i do plan my next move, but i as i study more about relationship dynamics and how men work... the more natural my moves are in that they become second nature. Almost like i've reprogrammed myself away from this unattractive, low-value girl i used to be to this now very confident, in-high demand, very attractive woman - and attraction has nothing to do with looks i can assure you ;)

David DeAngelo says, 'Attraction isn’t a choice'.

Attraction is based on his perceived 'value' of you in these three things: Survival (career/wealth/status), Replication (health & looks) and Good Shared Emotions (humour, social interaction etc)

There are different types of Attraction or how to develop it:

1) Intrigue - you are a mystery or a challenge or a contradiction
2) High Demand - he can see others clearly want you or you've been pre-qualified by other guys... and he can see you are sexy but selective.
3) The Ideal GF - its easy/fun being around you and he feels like you understand him
4) High Value - he wants to be associated with you because he can see the potential of having a gf that other ppl admire. He would like to show you off. e.g. you have varied interests, outgoing, confident, sexy, other women defer to you, head screwed on, not needy or flaky, knows her own mind etc
5) The Nurturer/Damsel - for relationship material he needs to see your loving side, as a real person with 'a good heart' that show u can care for him and/or need to be cared for e.g. show skills such a cooking or allow him to assist you with 'manly' tasks. Let him feel like a protector or a teacher.

ok thats just a basic template i tend to absorb. Like i say it now comes second nature. If fact i enjoy the game just as much i think guys enjoy it back. Its supposed to be fun and think sometimes women can ruin a good thing by wanting to 'talk' about how they feel too early on.... ruining the attraction when he hardly knows you!

The main rule i follow is 2 steps forward... 1 step back. and never a step a head of the guy. I let him lead emotionally while i lead physically ;)

I've never had a guy turn me down with this formula yet lol!

The.LifeStyle.Artist

Fashionably Wiser... One Pearl at a Time

http://thelifestyleartist.blogspot.com/
The.LifeStyle.Artist
Fashionably Wiser... One Pearl at a Time
http://thelifestyleartist.blogspot.com/