Does he or doesn't he?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Does he or doesn't he?
5
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 7:35am

Hi Everyone;
I have known this guy at work for about a year and a half, and recently I have become separated from a marriage of over 20 years ( I ended the marriage ) Now this man and I get along quite well together in the real life mode, however we have alot of misunderstandings on emailing each other. I definitely have feelings for him and I have for a long time, I have never dated as I was married at 17,and this man tells me we are just friends.
Well you know what I see him watch me unlike any of his buddies, and we have had lunch together, and he has invited me to go on a coffee break with him as well as he said that when his schedule calms down this month "MAYBE I'll come over to check out your bachelorette pad" We have never touched each other except a hug last xmas as well as the rest of the staff, so nothing special intended in that hug.

Do you think he is biding his time while he decides what he wants, when he comes over is he coming over as a guy or a friend?

Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 3:07pm

Hey there.... he might just be letting you know he's interested, but is just waiting until you get your marriage resolved (it sounds like you're not divorced yet, just separated????) and have some downtime to "find yourself".


I say, let it coast for a while and just see what happens!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 4:20pm

Hi There,
First of all thanks for your response. I am just separated but am becoming legally separated soon and this man knows all about why I left, it isn't a spur of the moment thing or infedelity I just don't want to be with my ex-husband anymore. I have been contemplating this for years.

That being said, you believe that this man is probably interested in me but cautious as to my ex and I reconciling right? Well you probably know better than I do all of this is brand new to me. Is there anything I can do , should do, or shouldn't do to assure him of my position ( I have already changed my name to my maiden name) .
I have never felt this way for anyone including my ex in my lifetime and so I am afraid that he will find someone else.

Input Please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 4:46pm

No, I don't think that he'd be concerned about reconciliation... but that he might just be giving space and time for you to breathe and "find yourself" between "that life" and your new life.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 10:39am

Hi there. I too am recently out of a 20+ year marriage, but I am older than you (50) and did do quite a bit of dating before I married. Even so, getting back into dating has not been easy.

I know you are impatient to get on with your life, to feel romance again, etc. I know also that one thing that often happens is that in order to get out of a difficult relationship, in order to transition out of a marriage that has become meaningless or painful, we (both men and women) often need the "nudge" of recognizing an attraction for someone else. So your feelings for this guy may be part of a larger thing. He may be attractive in himself, but he also represents something to you.

I agree with Karen. This guy is doing the sensible thing, not to approach you as anything other than a co-worker and friend. You may not realize it yet, but right now is not the best time to start getting involved with someone. Your feelings about the separation and eventual divorce will affect any new relationship. And because you work with this guy, if things go wrong you may both be especially stressed.

My suggestion is that you take it easy--flirt a little if you want to, maybe include him in any group activities you organize with other co-workers, treat him like a friend and wait. It is hard, but in the end, if the guy is seriously interested, the relationship is less likely to go wrong if you wait than if you rush into it.

Best of luck.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 8:22am
Hey Elarisa,
Thanks for your response , Well you know what he did come over. It was very nice , he did some cptr. programs for me , It was all very friendly , and you know what I am thinking now is that he does love me but as a very special friend. He is very concerned about a recent injury I had at work, also that things are going well for me. Girlfriends will come and go, but to be a special friend is I think alot more important. You guys are right that I have alot of time ahead of me.
Thanks everyone.
Suziekitten