Don't Know What to Think

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
Don't Know What to Think
8
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 6:20pm

Hey everyone-

Please give me any insight you have, I just started getting back to the dating scene the last few months after a long relationship and might be a little old school with things. I have been seeing this guy for close to a month now. First date was just drinks and we talked for 4 hours and then called it a night with a hug. Second date--well really wasn't a date-but I came over to his apartment to watch a movie (I wasn't feeling too great) and nothing happened and i just left without a hug b/c I felt like crap. Third time I saw him was again at his apartment with some friends of his-we played Rockband-it was really fun. I stayed a bit later than everyone else-helped clean up and again nothing happened. Now I am not what you call aggressive but usually I at least get kissed by this point-and it is usually the guy doing it first. So--with a few drinks of liquid courage I bring this up to him. I tell him I am a little confused about something and he said "Yeah I could tell." I go on and ask him if he is just considering me a friend or is it something more. He said he really likes me and its definitely something more but he's cautious about the first step. He continued by saying his ex was overly aggressive and it turned him off to the point of him breaking it off-she is currently stalking him lol. Great for me huh? So--then I tell him I really couldn't tell b.c. I feel like its going so slow--like he wasn't showing me that he was interested. I continue and say--it's okay if you just wanna be friends, I'd be cool with it. He again tells me that he definitely likes me and is attracted to me. So-now that I made a fool out of myself I say that;s its 3am and I better go and that I at least want a good hug and hopefully we can show "our feelings" next time. (I didn't want a kiss to happen right after I talked about it). Anyways-he asked me to join him to watch the Tennessee game at a local hangout which I am going to-but I feel like I want to go out on a nice date so maybe that "next step" will happen. Maybe I need to be a little aggressive and go for it--its just very foreign for me to do that. A kiss isn't a big deal but every time i see him i want it to happen. Agh!!!! I am frustrated!! Maybe tomorrow it will happen!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 9:00am
Don't sweat it. Go out and have a good time. Also get rid of those 'nice date' ideas. I think you mean dinner and drinks by that. I personally find it too boring. Nice date is where both people have a good time, have a lot to talk about and laugh about. It's only been 3 dates. Don't bring up the conversation again. At the end of the night lean in and give him a peck on his cheek. That's what I would do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 12:51pm

I think you are moving way to fast.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 7:32pm
The last time I checked, wanting to kiss someone b/c you actually feel like you like someone doesn't mean you're desperate. Yeah I was frustrated because I kept what I had been feeling inside until that night. Sometimes you have a strong yearning to show affection, no matter how small--some people do have emotions ya know!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 9:20am

--some people do have emotions ya know!! yep we sure do


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 1:36pm

He said he really likes me and its definitely something more but he's cautious about the first step. He continued by saying his ex was overly aggressive and it turned him off to the point of him breaking it off

I don't think he could have given you a clearer message than this by saying that he really doesn't like agressive women, so if you really want a relationship w/ this guy, let him make the first romantic/sexual move. You could do little things like touching his hand or taking his arm when walking down the street, but I think you'll blow it if you move too fast.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 7:31pm
I agree with musiclover. He's obviously cautious and doesn't like aggressive women (who does, really?) If you find that too frustrating, just move on. But don't try to coerce him into being affectionate with you. It will surely backfire. I don't blame you for being a little annoyed at his reticence--I would be too. Perhaps he's just not you're type. Let him be with someone as slow and cautious as he is. On the other hand, if you really like him, it never hurts to take things slowly. You just have to figure out if he's worth it or if you two are simply incompatible. If you do decide you want to continue, just back off and let him take the lead. If he never does, you know what to do!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 10:42am
I went out with my guy 4
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 5:28pm

Thank you too all the people who responded......and I apologize for a little attitude I had on one of the posts-I was overwhelmed by all of my feelings. I really do like this guy and he is worth it. We did end up kissing about a week ago and he has even shown interest in more (which I am thinking through slowly). Unfortunately I am still having to deal with his ex wish he said tried to call him multiple times a few days ago-after being broken up 3 months ago. He can tell I am getting a little annoyed at her and all.....but I don't want to bring up anything that sounds like I am jealous. It doesn't bother me too much b/c I know he is making the choice to be with me.
I enjoy every bit of time I get to spend with him and have nothing but happy feelings when I am around him. Of course, I try not to tell him that all the time. The last thing I want to do is scare him off......

Thanks again~