The End of Bob 2, the Sex Card Guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
The End of Bob 2, the Sex Card Guy
27
Tue, 10-06-2009 - 8:09pm

I'm posting this as a new thread, thinking I shouldn't continue the hijacking from Cross Your Fingers.


OK, so I met Bob 2 and had a date, he invited me out on his birthday. That was the evening he told me how much he loves sex and put the bill in front of me, mumbling "I'm not made of money." Yeah, I know. I shoulda cut him off then. I don't think I believed my ears, it was as if he was talking to himself.


Last night I got a last minute invite to meet him in email (of all things) but saw it too late to even call him and tell him I couldn't meet him. His plans are always nebulous. I texted him to apologize and he texted me back. It was close to 9pm so I shut off my phone, took my shower, read and went to bed.


Morning. His text was something about why was I so wierd? And a few other jokey things.


Talked to him in the afternoon because I didn't want to chat at night. He has a lot of windshield time delivering tires. And this is what I learned: he's looking to invest in a house he can fix up; he has bad credit, and he rents and lives with a guy. The man is 54 years old and yeah, it was a turn-off. He's financially unstable. He doesn't take care of himself.


He wants to go on some kind of a day bus trip--a fall foliage thing--told me it costs only around $115 and was surprised when I thought that was on the expensive side. I'm guessing he wants me to pay my way. (I'd never let him pay at this point!)


Got this email from him when I got home:


I was wondering why you didn't call or text me after we "talked/texed" briefly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sat, 10-10-2009 - 10:07am

I was TOTALLY sick of first meets by mid-August. Spent what felt like all summer doing them. I could because it was summer vacation, so it was easier to meet people on weeknights. And since they were first meets I knew I wouldn't be out late, so I didn't have to worry about my teenagers.

But those first conversations get so boring after a while. I got so tired of trying to gauge how much to say, and what not to say.

That's when I started to say whatever I wanted because I was so sick of the process that I decided, "What the hell, at least I'm getting a free drink or meal out of this."

How bad is that? I had three first meets one week in August. All three I went in with the attitude, "This is the LAST time I am doing this!!!!" All three wanted to see me again.

Luckily for me, one stuck, so I haven't had a first meet since. And since last night he asked me to go to something scheduled for a month from now (and stuff between now and then, too), I hopefully won't be doing any first meets again any time soon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2001
Sat, 10-10-2009 - 6:05pm

It's true Tire Man is not rocking my world, and also true I wasn't strong enough in my email, although I thought my last sentence, wishing us both luck, was pretty clear.

He's still pursuing. Wants to do something physical, like apple picking and that sounds like my kind of thing. Everything tends to be complicated to schedule with him--and since I haven't any sort of crush on the guy, I'll do what I feel like doing. And I'll pay for my own durn apples.

Mr. Up-Scale (makes jewels for rich folks and I'm not into jewelry except for sentimental pieces) DID call, and we had a pretty nice time. I'm still picking up information as I go--he called today. That was nice. Wants to get together during the week. Willing to hike.

Yes, I am tired of first meets! But I'm more tired of ARRANGING the meets than I am of going on them, although that gets old about OLD, too. The emailing, hoping they'll cut to phone and then meet, that's so tiresome. It's a relief to get on with the meet. Horrid to say but sometimes I say to myself what my old Toxic friend used to say: meet, greet, run. Yeah, this attitude will get you far, huh?

Funny, last night on my date I was aware of letting it hang out, saying what I wanted to say, being real. It's actually a lot of fun, but you need someone to play off of, can't do it in a vaccum. At least I don't think so.

It's nice to be with someone who "gets" you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sat, 10-10-2009 - 6:18pm

It is so nice to meet someone who "gets" you.

I think the hard thing about OLD is that when someone sends decent emails, you kind of start to feel like they get you. You may have common ground on politics, humor, movies, etc.

But it's really something how someone can seem so great over the internet, but in person, nada. Their sense of humor isn't as fast as you hoped it would be, they are more conservative than you had thought, they are angrier at their ex than they let on. I have discovered that I can really write well, I have had many men say they love the way I write, but then I meet them and they aren't funny or interesting enough to make me want to see them again. I'm a sucker for a good writer, too.

Take a cue from my 8 dates with the guy who never touched me...I knew after the second date that something was amiss. He was good to talk to, but something was missing. I kept dating him, thinking I would figure out what the missing piece was, but it never happened. I felt like I wasted a lot of time on someone who wasn't interested in a relationship, just a hang out buddy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 7:45am
I did the OLD thing after my divorce and it really was exhausting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 10:01am
It's like the idea that you will meet someone in the produce section of the grocery store. Does that really ever happen? If I approached someone at the local Stop 'n' Shop they'd probably look at me like I was insane and turn around and run.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 10:38am

I was about to dive into OLD, but after hearing all your stories, I am reluctant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 12:22pm
I was talking to a woman at a party & she said she actually met men at Whole Foods (it's more expensive than a regular grocery store, so I guess a better clientele?) by going at lunch or dinner time, when I guess the single guys are buying the prepared foods. She said that she dressed up nicely--then I think she made some comment about how in my outfit, I wouldn't meet anyone. lol I had come right from work and I was dressed nicely but not in a sexy way. I never dress sexy anyway--just not my style. Then I was at a new shopping plaza that just opened on a Friday night & they have the largest Whole Foods in New England, so I stopped in to look--there were a ton of people there, but I just couldn't imagine going up to a stranger in the grocery store & talking to him, or even if I did, that it would progress to a date. I think that sometimes those serendipitous things happen, but not often.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 12:25pm
Oh, good luck. I personally don't like to have a long conversation in TM since I can't type that fast, plus you don't know if she has unlimited texting or whether each TM will cost her money. If you text, maybe you could just ask her if you can call her & what would be a good time to call. I also think meeting on a weekend would be better because you won't feel so rushed & tired since you have a long drive home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 2:06pm

musiclover, Thank you for the advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 3:16pm
That's a good thing to do since it gives you an opportunity for discussion. Funny story--my ex & I used to like going to art museums. We have probably been to almost every one in new England. Anyway, he's color blind--he can see bright colors, but the pastels are kind of all blended together. I like the French Impressionists, but because of all the pastel colors, he had trouble distinguishing what was in the picture--like he would say "are those soldiers?" and I would say "No, they are trees." It made for some interesting interpretations of pictures.