Exclusivity

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2008
Exclusivity
5
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 11:33pm

Hi everyone,


I've been doing online dating for about 2 months. I met a guy a month ago that I have

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
In reply to: run112
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 10:51am

The choice is yours. You can continue the friend with benefits knowing that it will never lead anywhere and in the end you will be left feeling empty and hollow. Or you can try to move on and give yourself a chance at forming a meaningful, fulfilling relationship. From the outside, it seems like a pretty obvious choice.

You don't need to feel guilty about seeing the friend last night since you are right that you never agreed to exclusivity. However, if you really want the new relationship to have a chance to grow into something more, you do need to end things with the friend. You may not be able to get over him overnight, but the less you see of him, the sooner you will be able to get over him. Even if you find you can't get over him in time to make things work with this guy, it will free you up for the next guy that comes along.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: run112
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 10:53am

It seems like you are going to screw up this new rel w/ the OLD guy who at least has potential of being a real BF by hanging on to the FWB guy where you know there is no future. This is why I don't usually think FWB is a good idea--one person makes it clear that this is all they want, while the other one is pining along for them hoping that the sex will lead to an actual romantic relationship.

I think you should have a face to face conv. w/ the OLD guy and tell him that you sensed that he seemed upset that you were on a date, but that you haven't talked about being exclusive yet and how does he feel about being exclusive. Personally if I hadn't talked about being exclusive and was dating more than one person, I wouldn't tell guys outright that I was on a date w/ someone else when it's really none of their business and it would get them upset anyway. But now that it's out there, you have to deal w/ it.

And if you do like the OLD guy, then it is best to cut off the contact w/ FWB guy--if you don't actually have to cross paths at work, then don't even talk to him. Cause in 6 mos when he's gone, OLD guy will probably be gone too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
In reply to: run112
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 2:22pm

I think that you owe it to both guys to tell them if you are sleeping with someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
In reply to: run112
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 2:42pm
you need to do whats best for u
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: run112
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 10:45pm

With respect to online guy, he's out of line to be upset that you were on a date if you're not exclusive.