Facing The Facts of Dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Facing The Facts of Dating
12
Sat, 10-11-2008 - 12:09pm
I hated dating stuffs as you have to comply with some rules and that's what I irk about.. But when I tried dating, I realized it wasn't that bad though.. I learned a lot of things in life and in relationships without the need to get into it.. Being coupled up and then singled out is a classic cycle any normal person would undergo thru it. When I first started dating, I was so naive about it but eventually it made me more open-minded to lot of things which made me feel stronger in the process.. Now I can understand the opposite sex much better.. why they act so different from what we expect them to be. And also in the process, I realized that being melodramatic can sometimes ruin relationships because of high expectations just to feed women's drama cravings.. Goin out on a date is just like going out of your comfort zone. You have to leave your expectations behind and go with the flow to enjoy it and learn from it. You may expose your heart and be vulnerable but what you'll gain is an undeniable strenght of character.. until then, I can say you're ready to enter into a relationship again..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 1:38am

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 11:33am
Whoa! slow down dearie! you might be overthinking a bit here ;) I know its kinda exciting to re-enter the dating game once again but you have to slow down and reexamine the issues that lies within. First ask yourself if you are really ready emotionally and psychologically.. if you are, move to the next step--proceed dating. But if not, then re-examine your previous relationship, work on the YOU part, why your past relationship didn't work? have you truly accepted your divorce? Or you're just in a hurry to jump into a new one just to conceal what you're lacking emotionally.. If you still have emotional hang-ups, I suggest you proceed to SELF-HEALING first before you date. If you're craving for affection, then dating too early is not the smart thing to do. You mentioned that the man you're seeing wants to take things slow---which I think the best thing to do.. Do not jump into conclusions or assumptions like if he's hiding something cause it will just make you worry. When women want to jump into the second level emotionally and sexually right ahead, most guys are usually turned off by these gestures. I bet he wants to slow down to know you better---or know each other better rather--and let things grow in the process. Once again read the dating rules stated in this post reply by ekatie23. Don't be too overwhelmed by emotions. You have to think rationally and know what you want. AGAIN TAKE THINGS SLOW... Relationships as well as dating can't be rushed. It takes lots of patience to deal with it. Don't date if you think you just opt for a rebound guy. That would be unfair to him and to you at the end. Sex can wait. Worrying won't do you any goodness. Besides you and him just are in the getting to know stage. So I suggest you take time to know him inside and out. Its a process... You also mentioned that you starve for affection and that you need such physical closeness. And because of this, you let down your emotional guards too early because of such powerful need. Yet you wanna protect yourself from a man with many secrets.. Its contradictory. If you have this bad feeling or intuition about him, don't ever let your guard down too soon. Trust and respect as well as love takes time and lots of effort to develop. Premature intimacy is a bad idea because it makes us more vulnerable. Focus on the YOU PART--what is it that bothers you about him? what are your wants? ---then give yourself options by dating other interesting men out there--then set standards. If he met the non-negotiable characters you look for in a guy, then he's worth dating. If not, cut your loses then move on... =)

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