Fallen for a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2009
Fallen for a friend
Tue, 11-10-2009 - 1:18pm

I have a friend who I've majorly fallen for (for the second time!). We were intimate a couple of times about a year ago after i told him i liked him(we weren't really great friends then) but he told me he didn't want to get involved with anyone ever again as he had been hurt badly quite a few tmes in the past and didn't ever want to be in that situation again. We left it there and have become really good mates and apart form an encounter at the start of this year it's been fine.

However we've spent more time together in the past month and have ended up intimate a couple of tiems again and now i can't get him out of my head again. A friend said to him a couple of months ago that she didn't know why we weren't just together and he said he loved me to bits but he was so messed up and he didn't want me to end up the same way. But now we are close again and i just don't know what to do! I can't get him out of my head but I don't want to be rejected again. In my mind he knows that i like him so if he wanted something he could just go for it but then i can sometimes be extremely aloof and make out i don't like someone to mask real feelings.

I feel that i have to say something but i just don't know what or how to say it.

Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 11:53am
My advice is don't keep sleeping w/ him because it makes it that much harder for you that you don't have a relationship w/ him. He just recently told your friend that he doesn't want a relationship w/ you, so I doubt that he's changed his mind. You need to believe guys when they say that they don't want a relationship, not think that you're going to change him. Start looking for someone else who actually does want a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 5:03pm
This is going to sound really harsh and you're probably not going to believe me but he doesn't want a relationship with you. If a guy says this then it is true and he's not likely to change his mind. I know you probably aren't going to listen to this. You'll keep pining and hoping until you get your heart broken. I say this because I've been there and done it before. The best thing you can do for yourself is move on from him, spend less time with him, don't sleep with him, and try to get over him. The last thing I would want for you is to keep falling more in love with him and then show up at a social event to see him with his new girlfriend - that's happened to me and it sucks.