Falling for a Friend

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Falling for a Friend
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 7:38pm
Shortly after highschool I started a Friends With Benefits relationship with someone I met in 9th grade. I have always been attracted to him and we have stayed in touch over the past 15 years, mainly just making small talk. More recently, we both ended 5 year relationships and began spending more time together. This friend started calling everyday, and texting throughout the course of the day everyday. We started sleeping together and have been trying to maintain a casual friendship because we both feel it is too soon to start anything serious (our relationships both ended within the past few months).

I don't understand his behavior because it contradicts what we have agreed to. He is very cuddly, takes me out and pays, in addition to calling daily. If he isn't interested in a serious relationship with me, then why is he doing this? I have to work to separate my emotions now because I am falling for him. We have recently decided to stop talking because of how heavy the friendship has become. I really don't want this and I don't think he does either. I would like to see where things could go with him. We haven't spoke now in days which breaks our daily conversation pattern that has been consistent for months now.

Is there any way to save this friendship? Is it worth it? There are many factors to consider; he sees his ex often, I haven't met his friends - nor do they know about me, but we have had sex many times in the past few months. Is the friendship ruined? I'm sad to say goodbye but wonder if I want this just to 'win'. Any thoughts are appreciated! I am desperate for clarity!
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 4:02pm
What do you mean "you want this just to win"? Win what? Win as in be successful at a long term relationship since your last one did not work out?

I don't think the friendship is necessarily ruined. I'm sure it is possible to go back to being just platonic friends. However its also possible that you two are just not going to work out as friends as long as you both are single. Just too easy to fall back into the old patterns.

I think it is safe to say that this has been a rebound situation for the both of you, since you both just came out of long term relationships. If you really want to know what is going on in his head, them you should ask him. I mean the two of you can sleep together but not talk? Find out what he is really thinking, does he really want more, or not?

I think though it would be better to clear your head of relationships for a while, take a break, If he is agreeable to being platonic friends then good, if not then oh well, you can move on. If after you have had some time to regroup, he is still available, maybe you can try dating again.