Finally dating a nice guy don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2011
Finally dating a nice guy don't know what to do
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 10:18am

Here it goes:  I met this guy online over a month ago.  We sent e-mails back and forth for a week and a half then started texting.  He lives 2 hours away.  Crazy thing is his good family friends are my good family friends.  Small world.  We went on our first date a week after we started texting.  We met half way and had dinner.  It was great.  At the end we hugged good bye.  We hugged for like 10 mins.  I left the restaurant and I cried happy tears on my drive home.    We talked about dating only each other but not being “official” till we really got to know each other.  He is 33 and I am 29.  I was married for 8 years to a controlling and abusive husband.  I am in a great spot and have been thru counseling and feel like I am back to me.  He has never been married and hasn’t had too many girlfriends.  He is shy and awkward around girls. 

Anyway, this weekend was our fourth date.  He came down to see me and surprised me by getting off work early and getting here earlier than expected.  I had made plans to have dinner with my family since my Uncle was in town.  I told the guy I am dating that I had plans and I could cancel, he could go with, or he could wait while I went to dinner.  He came with.  My family liked him.  (The only other guy I have brought around my family was my ex husband so it was a big deal for me.  My family wouldn’t care if I brought a guy around two minutes after I met.  My mom is like just because we meet him doesn’t mean anything but for me I don’t like bringing guys around my family unless were serious).

After my family meeting went well he and I hung out for the rest of the weekend.  My best friend Angie found a reason to stop over quick and meet him.  He and I did have sex for the first time this weekend.  It was amazing and so intense!  It was emotional more than physical amazing.  I am scarred of moving too fast and scarring him off.  The emotional intensity scarred me a little.  He was so quiet after and I don’t know if he his scarred or just awkward and shy about it. (He hasn’t had sex for 4 years)  After he left I sent him a text and we talked on the phone when he got home.  He said everything is ok.  I just really like him and don’t want to rush this relationship/scare him off  but at the same time we have this amazing connection.  ( I have dated a couple of guys since my divorce and never felt like this.  I never had intense sex like that with my ex husband.)  I feel like this is the start of something good.  I know that we need time to figure our relationship out.  He’s a great guy.  I have always dated the bad boys and even married one.  This is the first nice guy I have dated and it’s all so new to me.  How do I proceed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I was reading an email from a friend today about her new BF who seems like a very nice guy.  One thing that was pointed out was that she was not "losing herself" in the relationship--they are both free to be themselves & to have lives.  I think that is key. Since you've only known each other a short time, don't make your whole life revolve around him yet.  I don't mean dating other guys (I always had difficulty dating more than one at a time) but still hang out with your family & friends.  You don't have to spend hours on the phone every night or text constantly during the day.  Don't start talking about the future too soon--just enjoy getting to know each other.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004

I agree you just need to take it slow, don't rush things. Just be yourself. If you find you can't totally be yourself around someone , then it will not work out in the end.

At one month in, things should be going very well. You are still on cloud 9 and things are are still fresh and new and exciting. Its good to be optomistic but don't make big future plans quite yet. You have many more months to go before you start to really see the whole person that he is and before he sees the whole person that you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012

The only logical way to proceed is to head to your nearest pawn shop and find a really nice cheap ring. Then drive the two hours to his house and show up unannounced. When he opens the door, drop to your knee and propose marriage. It doesn't matter if he accepts, just continue on your mission as though he has. Push your way into his house, lugging a suitcase behind you and a giant hardcover book of baby names, all the while exclaiming that the place needs to be cleaned, redecorated and possibly remodeled. March straight into his bedroom and claim whichever side of the bed looks good to you then begin unpacking by first pulling out your giant vibrator, checking the batteries then setting it on the bedside table. Roll around on the mattress shouting "There's a demon inside me, there's a demon inside me!" Then urinate on his floor. 

Worked for me. Good luck and please keep us updated!

If you'd rather try something really crazy I have some other ideas I can share with you : )