Fixed Up by Young Matchmaker

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fixed Up by Young Matchmaker
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 8:42pm

Here's a new take on meeting on the Internet.

A few weeks ago,a young man saw my photo and info on the dating site and contacted me, wanting to introduce me to a former b.f. of his mom's. Yeah, you read this right. So it sounded cute, very cute. This is a meet *cute* even though we haven't yet met.

So we write a couple times and then decide to talk. He calls and it's friendly; the guy has an accent, fine by me, I've always liked International guys anyway. Ten minutes into the talk he asks what I'd like to do. "Meet today, tomorrow, what would you like to do?" I'm thinking this is good, he doesn't want to keep emailing or phone-talking so I tell him I'm free on Wednesday, two days away.

He cuts the convo a bit short, saying we'll talk again, take care, that sort of thing. I don't expect to hear from him again, plus I'm confused about the potential meeting, can't figure out why he's even brought it up if he didn't plan on following through. Stranger things have happened, as everyone on this board knows. I didn't dwell on whether or not he'd call back.

He calls today, asks if I'm willing to meet this week. Then says he even would like to meet today, Sunday, but I seem rather busy. I don't even respond to that one. Instead, ask him about his work, we haven't really discussed that and he wanted to know what I do too.

"Well, I'm between jobs now," he says and I'll admit it, I'm thinking oh, no, not another one without a job.

I need to preface this post by saying I am thankful and I mean it! that I have a job. I'm not putting down anyone who doesn't and whenever I meet someone who's "between jobs" my mind is racing, wondering what it would be like to be terrified and in that position.

He says if he doesn't find a job it's ok, he can ride his bike and bake cookies. He seems cool with the situation. So, who knows.

And who knows why he's so back and forth about meeting. I was rather eager in the beginning, because of the cute introduction.

Now I think this guy has sucked all of the spontaneous charm out of the whole, what was once special, situation.

Just curious what you think out there. My meeting or not meeting him just may depend on how convenient everything turns out for me. Yes, me, this one's all about me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 11:30pm

Well, well....did he ever come up with a day and time for your meet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 6:55pm

This one seems unusual in many respects and as such would have my radar up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Tue, 11-10-2009 - 11:31pm

He texted me as I was walking out of work, around 7 pm asking if we could meet tomorrow. I'm off for Veteran's Day. Since I happened to get the text as it came in, I texted him back right away, asked about talking.

No immediate response. None tonight.

I like to plan so I find this little quirk of his to back off for a while, slightly irritating.

So I'm not thrilled by the whole thing. I realize I'm not the center of his universe, but come on! He had JUST that moment texted me.

We'll see. If he wants me to drive far tomorrow, I doubt I'll be of a mood to do so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 11:02am

It's almost 11:00 am on my day off and I've been writing in my pjs, pig city I call it when you just loll around, enjoying being a slob for the morning, no one to see you, yet it's a productive day so far in spite of my garb.

No word from this guy. I've pretty much decided I'm not interested in meeting him today. Today may stretch into meeting him never. I'm thinking of me first.

It's funny how subtle clues add up to something that is a turn-off. Texting he wants to meet and then no follow-up.

It seems clear to me, especially in the light of a new day that the guy has issues. Could be minor. Doesn't matter. He's either clueless or he thinks that if the moment seizes him and he calls, I'll be waiting.

Truth is that it takes getting your head in gear for a new meet. Maybe that's a girl thing, but I'm certain, from talking to my male friends, that they too--unless they're super clueless like the guy someone recently posted about, the slobby guy--a new meet takes planning. What to wear, hair, where to go, all that stuff.

OK, thanks for listening. This was just a vent, but I'm going by those posts of a few weeks' ago by Startover. I'm pleasing me.

Hahaha. It's not a snow day, but it sure feels like one!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 11:42am

I am jealous of teachers today. I didn't take the day off because I didn't want to lose a day's pay just to sit around the house. I'm taking the day off after Thanksgiving so I can have a long weekend.

I do know what you mean about having to psych yourself up to meet someone new. It's not only the physically getting ready--you have to be emotionally ready, put on your best attitude, be prepared to have a sparkling personality, etc. I don't think someone that you've never met should expect you to go out at the last minute.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 12:17pm

Pig city! That's adorable, I'll have to use that.

"It's funny how subtle clues add up to something that is a turn-off. "

You know, this is such an interesting point, and something I've been really pondering lately. And of course, you know I have to overdo it, so I've already read "Blink" and now I'm reading "Gut Feelings." I think we really can trust our instincts, and it's very interesting how intuition works. We can try to make rational decisions, but more often than not, we already intuitively know what to do.

I think this is especially useful with dating, and OLD. I dated a guy earlier this year, but ended it with a great deal of angst. On paper, there were a lot of things that matched up, but then there were many other things I was mildly turned off by. It just didn't feel right. And then, I fretted about it for a long time afterwards ("maybe I should have kept seeing him, maybe my gut feeling would have changed...") I'm betting, though, that had I continued, sooner or later I would have discovered some things about him that were major deal breakers.

Perhaps I've gotten off on a tangent here, but I do think people reveal themselves very quickly and in very non-verbal ways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 1:32pm

Hi, I love your take on this.

He still hasn't called. It's mid-day. I've gotten a good day of writing in, am about to get out.

What are those books? Nonfiction?


Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 1:41pm
Yes, non-fiction. The author of Blink also wrote The Tipping Point (Gladwell?)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 11-13-2009 - 8:34pm

Meet cute? Nottin' cute about it. So, OK, here's how it panned out.

Tuesday: He texts me we should meet on Wednesday, I'm off that day. I immediately text back yes, please call, that's around 7pm after my 12-hour day. No reply.

Wednesday: Evening. He calls twice, leaves one message. I call, surprised. He hasn't received the text, my reply to his invitation; his invite was non-specific, btw. He is on his way home from a job interview.

He asks when I want to meet. Tells me we should meet for coffee, a short meet to see if we like each other. "After all," he says, "you might not like my nose or my ears." I tell him I don't have trouble talking with people, let his attempt at humor fly by my head. His unromantic spirit doesn't get past my radar. Of course.

We agree on Friday (today) at 4:00 pm and since he has no place in mind, I suggest a bookstore/cafe downtown, close to me.

Less than an hour after our convo, I check my phone. He's left a message informing me that the company that interviewed him have asked him back. He'd better cancel our meet. Doesn't know how long the interview will take. I should let him know I'm all right with this.

I call back. "Well, you've gotta do what you've gotta do. Break a leg," I say in a message.

I think. I want to push this guy to a decision. Get off your little potty or forget it.

I telephone again. He doesn't pick up. I leave a disarmingly cheery message telling him we should meet anyway, after his interview. My voice is fraught with friendliness in an effort to disguise my agenda.

It's Friday night and I never heard from him, not even an email to let me know he just can't make it.

I'm done with this guy. Too much effort. I won't pick up now when/if he calls.

So much for the "cute meet."