friends with benefit?? Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
friends with benefit?? Need Advice
6
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 1:54am

Hi

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2008
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 8:38am

I'm sorry to have to say, but a guy who likes you, truly, will not con you into having sex. I know, because this situation sounds almost exactly like one I was in with a co-worker 3 years ago. I thought he liked me, and maybe he did have some sort of attraction to me, but ultimately all he wanted was to get me into bed, not to actually go out on dates with me that didn't include sex.

If you can deal with a FWB situation and want it just for the physical affection, go for it, but I suspect that your feelings will grow for him and you'll get hurt when he doesn't start giving you what YOU want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2008
Sat, 05-31-2008 - 8:02pm

Because you're both still in the hot zone, next time he asks you out, sit him down and tell him, dude, look, I can't have sex with you without having feelings and if you're not into the feelings, we shouldn't have sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 8:04pm

Oh wow! This sounds a lot like a situation I had a couple of months ago with someone I used to work with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 11:16pm

Thanks ash_13 for your advice.


I played it cool and didn't contact him at all this week... instead, he text me saying he is very busy this week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2008
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 5:04pm

I'm glad you had fun and feel better about yourself, but it still sounds like your sense of self-worth and esteem is so dependent on what this guy thinks. That has to come from YOU! Depending on him, or other men, for how you feel about yourself, is a recipe for getting hurt.


Someone broke up with you. That doesn't mean you are unattractive or boring. You just weren't the right one for them. Or maybe they're crazy. :)


Put some focus into doing things for yourself (and sure, that can include hot sex with the ex-coworker, but know what it is and don't get confused). Get into exercise, whether its yoga or rockclimbing or running (great ways to meet people too). Take a class. Revamp your wardrobe and look.


As for this guy, you say you want to date and see where it goes. I have to be honest here. He is not sending those signals. Inviting you only to his house, the lack of communication... he's saying its not more. That doesn't mean it couldn't be more, but you wanting more, especially when he is clearly not offering more is not going to make that happen. Enjoy it for what it is, and put yourself first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 12:34am

Thanks everyone for all your input.