Friends with benefites, but want more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2010
Friends with benefites, but want more?
7
Sun, 10-31-2010 - 11:59pm

Hi! I'm new here. I have a friends with beneifts for the past 2 or so months. I like him more than this. I know I should just talk to him, but I don't know how. We don't talk about anything serious, just have fun together... which I like, but the more I get to know him, the more I really like who he is as a person and think we could be good together in a real relationship. I have never had a friends with benefits before.... always had serious relationships, so it's an adjustment. I don't place any expectations on him and nor he on me. I have 'played it cool' but it's hard to do that anymore. I am guessing the advice I will get it to just talk to him. Guess I just need to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. (We both have recently got out of serious relationships, so I want to take to slow, but still it is frustrating!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 12:07am

I'll come at it from a slightly different angle. I had one too. I liked him more, but never got up the courage to talk to him about it (mostly because deep down I knew he didn't want more). What started out as 2 months quickly became 2 years of fwb. While I don't necessarily regret it (we remain friends and have a great physical connection), I do feel kind of wimpy that I never got "brave" and that there has been no movement in a forward direction in the last two years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2010
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 9:34am

Thanks for the reply. Maybe one day you will get up the courage? I don't think I can do this for toooo much longer, let alone two years. I am looking for more than fwb in my life. If he's not, then I have to move on. I have no idea deep down what he wants. Men are from mars, women from venus!!! Why is communication so tough in this department?

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 1:45pm

It seems like very few people can truly have a FWB arrangement. Maybe I should say it is much easier for most men to carry on with one then for most women to. Women tend to develop feelings once they start being intimate with a guy and guys don't necessarily do the same when with a woman.Sorry for stating the obvious! :)

I do not really see what you mean about communication being so tough? You simply have to ask him what he wants and tell him what you want. I think what you are trying to really say is that you are afraid of his answer. Thats the hard part for you. I say why waste time not knowing? Why not find out now and move on if you have to? At this point you have hardly any time and emotions invested in this. The longer it drags on, the more your attachment to him will grow and the harder it will be to end it when the time comes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 1:25pm

I think the mistake we make is thinking we can be FWB and not having any sort of emotional attachment. Before going into that type of arrangement, you need to be honest with yourself. Men say what they mean. If they only want FWB, then that is what they want and it rarely turns into more. As well, you are thinking about the future and how it's going to progress -- that is a no no. There is no natural progression when it comes to FWB. It is what it is. And whether it's 2 months or 2 years, it's the nature of the relationship. If it's a mutual decision, then go with it and enjoy it. If it's not what you want, then end it.

If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 6:03am

I agree with Jorgee gal. Unfortunately, guys are much less selective about who they'll have sex with than they are about who they'll accept as a girlfriend. So, being FWB with him in the first place

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 11:21am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 11:22am
Hi


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