Getting a Grip on Myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Getting a Grip on Myself
2
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 12:44pm

I can understand why people advise to date more than one guy at a time. It makes it easier not to get too focused on one guy before things are clearly worked out in the relationship. 

Two weeks ago I  thought this relationship was losing momentum. Then it picked up. Saturday instead of the peck on the lips I had thought would be our first good night kiss (much delayed, if you ask me), I got a passionate, very satisfactory kiss. 

Anyway, that was Saturday. Sunday we exchanged e-mails.  Each of us was busy with Easter things with family and friends. I expected no more than an e-mail. Yesterday, however, there was neither e-mail nor phone call.

I worry that we are entering another "loss of momentum" phase. I don't know what's with this guy. After Saturday's kiss, I expected something more affectionate yesterday and/or today.  I've been thinking a lot about him. If he is thinking about me, why hasn't he contacted me? (I don't mean a long e-mail or call, he might be busy, but just a "Good morning, hope you have a good week" or something like that... he's done it before, even when he was traveling. )

If I had a few other guys to date, it would be different.  But I am terribly picky and the kind of guy that attracts me is not necessarily the type of guy who is attracted by me (and vice-versa).  It is hard to find a well-mannered, educated man in my age bracket who doesn't think he deserves a 35 year old thin woman instead of woman closer to his age and build. A lot of unattached guys my age are unattached because no one would want them.

Still, he is not the only guy in the world. I need to get a grip here. If he e-mails, great. If not--I still had fun the last four dates. And I really really need to try to find some other guy to date.
D




Edited 4/14/2009 8:06 pm ET by dabela
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 8:48am

You are absolutely right, you need to find others to day and not put all your eggs in 1 basket.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 9:49pm

Just to clarify, it isn't because he gave me a good kiss that I got all excited about this guy. I don't date very much because I just don't like most of the men that like me. It's nice when the guy who wants to kiss me is someone I want to kiss back.

I did the serious "online dating" thing for about six months in the year after my divorce. I joined several sites, perfected my profile, got flattering pictures posted, answered all e-mails that weren't downright offensive and went to meet pretty much anyone who didn't disgust me. I learned a lot.

In the past four years or so, I've gotten so I don't date any guy that I don't find interesting and who hasn't shown real interest in me. That's why I get so rattled by someone like this guy I am dating now, who doesn't come on too strong. "Is he really interested?" is always the question in my mind. The kiss suggested that he was, and that is why I went into excitement-mode.

I am not closing my eyes to other options. I just haven't found them. If I could, I would date other guys, but only if I found them interesting/attractive to start with.

Probably my goal ought to be to lose weight, so that I can appeal to some men that right now won't give me a second look. In the meantime, I need to stop getting so excited about a little kiss.