A glimmer of hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
A glimmer of hope
6
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 11:29pm

I'm probably going to jinx myself by talking about it, but I wanted to share that a man I have been casually acquainted with for years had lunch with me today. It would not be a big deal except he made a point of mentioning that a mutual friend had told him that I had divorced, and then he disclosed that he had separated from his significant other within the past year also.

Back before my marriage fell apart, this guy liked to flirt with me a little when we ran into each other. (Our work is in the same area and we have a lot of mutual friends.) However, I'd hardly seen him in the past year. So it was a pleasant surprise to "run" into him as I was going in to work today. It was all pretty casual, but he said he had come that way in the hopes of running into me and said we needed to "catch up" and suggested lunch. It wasn't a date--we went to a place full of people I work with and some people he works with. It's a regular hang out for people we both know and we have eaten there before as part of a group in the past. And of course we each paid for our own food.

But it seemed clear that he had just heard about my divorce and since he had separated also had some thought of contacting me to see if something "sparked."

I'm not sure that it did--he still just feels like a pleasant friend more than possible love interest--but it is so good to know that someone in real life can be interested!!

Anyway, since you guys hear me whine about not having any dates, I thought I'd post some happy news for a change.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: elarisa
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 10:11am
That sounds like FUN! ~Keep us updated!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:42pm

Thanks, Karen.

Not much has happened with it except today we ran into each other and he asked if I was going to go to lunch at another place where our friends sometimes go. I wasn't going to--I had brought my lunch--but I said "maybe" and he said "Well, if you do, I'll see you there."

I thought of not going because it seemed a little too laid-back an "invitation," but then I had a better idea and suggested to two friends that we eat there--one of them couldn't come, but the other one did, so he sat with us. Maybe I'm just being difficult, but if he wants to sit with me alone he needs to do more than say, "if you're there, I'll see you."

Anyway, it was a good lunch, but I don't know if anything will come of it.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: elarisa
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 10:43am
That scenario reminded me of a book that I'm reading (off and on)... after reading more last night I've just over half way through it....












Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship by Sherry Argov

... It's a real eye opener... especially for someone like myself, who I'll admit I'm a doormat... or I have been in the past!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 2:04pm

Well, it is not unusual for me to eat at that place with a friend. In fact, we've run into each other at that place a few times in the past, so it wouldn't have been an odd question from a casual acquaintance. Except that for us to meet there he had to come to lunch at the time I had told him was going to be my lunch hour. (Otherwise we would have missed each other.) So it indicates some degree of planning on his part, even though he didn't want to come out and ask me to have lunch with him.

I figured he didn't want to ask me to have lunch with him twice in one week, and that he was trying to show interest without being too "committed" too soon, which is probably sensible. At the same time, I didn't want to show up alone, like I was accepting this kind of "dating" where he doesn't come out and say that he wants my company. By going with a friend, I made it so that this was part of my ordinary day (not something I did especially to meet him) but I gave him the opportunity to show his interest by joining us.

I don't know. This sort of thing is so difficult. How does one get a guy to be interested (and stay interested) without being too stand-offish or too pushy/available?

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: elarisa
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 2:34pm
I think it's a very fine line.... and to me, that sounds just exhausting!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 4:19pm

Exhausting is right. But I have never minded making an investment in the beginning of things. I just don't want to be stuck doing it indefinitely.

I can see why a guy doesn't want to stick his neck out any more than I want to stick my neck out. Especially since we have mutual friends and work in roughly the same fields. It could be awkward. At the same time, someone has to take some risks. So I will meet him halfway, if I can for a while.

I certainly don't have that many other prospects outside of the guy from match.com who is still e-mailing but not moving any further forward. (I've hinted it's time to meet. He may now disappear, or else he may suggest that we meet and _then_ disappear.)

Elsa