Going to a bar alone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Going to a bar alone?
23
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 11:26am
I was out w/ a married friend and telling her about my lack of dating prospects. Her idea (kind of tongue in cheek) was why don't you go to a bar in a fancy hotel like the Four Seasons and get dressed up sexy (I think she actually said slutty) and try to meet someone? Yeah, first of all I'm middle aged and not seeing myself as the overtly sexy type--I dress more toward turtlenecks and sweaters in the winter. The idea of going somewhere by myself & hanging out is intriguing but scary. In one way I could see her point that by going to a really nice place, you would tend to meet a nice rich businessman, but you might also be meeting the traveling businessman who wants a little fling--frankly I'm more interested in a regular guy who lives close by. I have actually never really gone out alone except to lunch during the day and then it wasn't to try to meet people--it was just to eat. Have any of you done anything like this & how did it work out?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 2:07pm

You're in Boston right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 3:50pm

Yes, there are definitely certain places in town where the "beautiful people" go to be seen (and where I don't go, lol). I think if you do hang out in a hotel kind of bar alone, guys will either think you're a hooker (probably not at my age) or that you're on the prowl for a quickie. But funny, if I had to travel to another city, then I would do that cause I would feel it's "legit" because of being a tourist. Maybe I'll have to go see that movie Up in the Air.

I was at a meetup dinner when I heard a woman who had just moved to the area saying that she was hanging out at the bar of a small place in town and started talking to the bartender and got friendly w/ him talking about wine & such and now she's a regular customer. I probably still wouldn't have the nerve to do that, but I agree that it's better to go to a neighborhood place or a place where you can hear music. I do enjoy listening to live music but don't really have much time now to be going out late at night.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 3:59pm

If you like jazz, that doesn't need to be a late night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 8:20pm

I've been there, done that and I've met a few guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 3:21am
I have no qualms about going to restaurants, movies, parks or anywhere else alone, but the only way I'll got to a bar alone is if it's a bar in a restaurant and I'm having lunch or dinner with my cocktail. And I've never been hit on in this situation. I'm rarely hit on in bars anyway, even with friends. I don't go to bars for guys.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 7:22am

I really think it depends on where you live and what is available.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 9:45am

Lots of good suggestions from the other posters.

BTW, your married friends will give you the worst dating advice ever.

I have occasionally gone to an upscale wine bar in my neighborhood. They have a wine tasting every Thursday night from 6 - 8. There are lots of professionals there, mostly in their 30s, but occasionally there are old guys my age. ;-) A wine tasting gives you an activity, so it's not like you're just sitting there having a drink. I met a few guys this way, but we never went out. Actually, my best conversations were usually with other women. I grew tired of going and haven't been by myself in a long time. It just seemed so random, and frankly, lonely. On the other hand, I do like to go there with friends, which can still be a good way to meet people because you could meet their friends. Also, going to a place with music is a good plan too--you're there for a "reason," not just sitting there, trying to make small talk.

I would never go to a free-standing bar by myself, no matter how upscale. It's not that I don't have the nerve, it's just not appealing. I won't go to a restaurant for dinner by myself either, at least not in my own town. When I travel I have no problem with that. I'm a pretty independent woman, but there's just something about sitting at a table all alone that is just too much for me. I have no problem going to lunch alone, however.

On a side note, I hear so many women say, "How can I meet men? I'm not into the bar scene," as if going to a bar were the only way to meet men. I didn't like "the bar scene" even when I was in my 20s. I think most people, both men and women, feel uncomfortable going to bars alone past the age of 35, mostly because the other patrons are so much younger. The thing is, you can meet men EVERYWHERE, not that I've had tremendous luck, LOL. This is not to say that you couldn't meet a man in a bar, or that any man you met in a bar would be a cheating player--you absolutely could.

And of course, there's always--sigh--online dating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 11:59am

And of course, there's always--sigh--online dating.

Yeah, big sigh...I guess when I get tired enough of being alone on a Sat. night, then that's what I'll do. When I was in my 20's the bars were ok cause I would go w/ my friends, listen to the music, dance & have fun. I actually did meet a BF that I had for 1.5 yrs in a bar. But older people hanging out in bars just seems kind of desperate. I think my friend was kind of joking...but what she said to me that was even more shocking was that she didn't care too much about having sex w/ her husband! They are about 39 or 40 and he is gorgeous! She is totally in love w/ him however and I can see how she's tired since she has 5 kids (ages 3-20) and works, but really...I'd jump the guy in a minute and I know a lot of other women would be out there waiting for him too if he were the type, which hopefully he is not, since he's a decent guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 1:50pm

Actually, the OLD guys are going to the

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 9:50pm
My problem is that I am just not meeting anyone IRL--not even guys I am not attracted to. It's been about a year and a half since I separated from the ex and although I've joined various social activities (some that are supposed to be coed) I haven't even met a guy to be a friend yet. Basically this also happened when I was divorced from 1st DH 10 yrs ago--I didn't have one date for 2-3 yrs. Of course, it was harder to get out then since my kids were little so I only got dates because I did OLD. Now it's easier to get out but I only have one single friend, which is why the going out alone topic came to mind.

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