Great Guy vs. Date Around

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Great Guy vs. Date Around
3
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 9:18pm

My dilemma:

I am a 39 yo with two boys (11 and 8) and just not sure what to do. I have been a widow since January, 2004. My husband died after a brief illness and caught an infection before he could get an organ transplant.

When I decided to get back into the dating game (December, 2004)I signed up with an online dating service and met a Great Guy. Everything I could ask for, sweet, caring, attentive, no children of his own, good job and very easy on the eyes. He adores me and my children and if he thought I would say "yes" would marry me tomorrow.

I just wonder if one woman can get so lucky on her first time out? I wonder if I want to go through the rest of my adult life only knowing what two men thought of me? Is it really so awful in the dating world that I should keep a Great Guy who loves me? Do men always change after you marry them (the first one did)? Should I listen to my older friends who say they would never marry again?

Any and all opinions are appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 5:20pm

That's a tough one!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 8:34pm

"I just wonder if one woman can get so lucky on her first time out?" - Is it possible? SURE! Why not?!
"I wonder if I want to go through the rest of my adult life only knowing what two men thought of me?" - This is something only you can answer for yourself. For me, for example, I got married and my (now ex) husband was my first and only sexual experience. I waited until I got married. During my marriage I vaguely wondered what other men would be like, but not enough to act on it. I was happy having just known one. Now that I'm back in the dating game, I still don't feel the need to sleep around. Personally I'd rather have 1 great man in my life than a thousand that mean nothing.
"Is it really so awful in the dating world that I should keep a Great Guy who loves me?" - "Aweful?" No, I don't think so. People find what they look for and generally attract (and are attracted to) what they are looking for. You obviously attracted a great guy! I wouldn't cut him lose for nothing.
"Do men always change after you marry them (the first one did)?" - No. Usually the signs are already there. Now, perhaps, you're a little older and wiser in that regard? Did your first husband really "change", or did he perhaps just show his true colors?
"Should I listen to my older friends who say they would never marry again?" - This is, again, a very personal decision. Having been married once, I can say I have a healthy fear of doing it again, BUT I do want to do it again! :) Overall, it was a good experience for me, so here's one friend saying "I'd do it again!" with the right man of course.

IMHO, if you still have so many questions and reservations, you're may not be ready for a solid commitment right now. That's okay! That's why you're dating. ;) Not engaged. ;)
-J

- J. Darling

Singehttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/JDarling/Headshots/Picture001.jpgr, Songwriter, Author for Celebr

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 2:47pm

I find your post very interesting. Because when I got divorced I resigned to being along for the rest of my life. I dated some real losers be for I met my fiance and then I was not sure if I wanted to get married. We dated for as of today 4 years and we are now engaged to be married but still have many things to work out before we know what is going to happen next.

lisa j romesburg