Having Mixed Feelings About Dating a Guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Having Mixed Feelings About Dating a Guy
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 5:44pm

Things have been heating up with a new guy that I started seeing.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 10:25pm

I'm curious, what's the rush to "get serious" as you say?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 6:28pm

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 7:54am

When I saw you discussion title, it quickly resonated with what I am dealing with as per today. I am close with this my Mr. Nice for about a month now. His last relationship lasted 6 years because his ex cheated on him. It feels nice to have someone that calls you all the time, someone that doesn't leave you wonder if there's another girl besides you and someone that already asked you to celebrate new year's eve with him and his friends. It feels real nice after all the meet-up with unsuitable guys or guys that left you wondering if their phones are dead.

But why am I feeling the same way as you do? Last week, I was still wanting this relationship to go forward. As per 3 days ago, I've been thinking that he is unsuitable for me and how to let him know about it. We have some conversations about our belief and somehow we differ from each other. Yet, I found myself still caring about him. Afraid that I wouldn't be so lucky to find someone as nice as him in the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 9:39pm

I know it would sound flip if I just said you all need to maybe *chill* and smell the champagne on New Year's and the noise makers going off and all that good stuff.

I agree with Sheri. Let it play out. No one's anywhere approaching perfect so give it some time and see if your guys have the stuff that counts. That would be trust-worthiness, integrity, and more along those lines.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 9:05pm
IMAO: Always listen to that inner voice!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 12:25pm

I have found myself in this situation for the second time in 4 months. The first guy I was very clear that I wasn't sure if I was ready for a serious relationship. He pushed me and pushed me to make a decision, and it didn't end the way he wanted.

The second guy has just brought it up recently, and we have only been dating for two weeks!! I flat out told him to slow down and I don't think he was too happy with that. But I refuse to let someone else push me into something else before I'm ready for it. So unless you're ready for it, don't jump into anything. Because if you do it before you're absolutely comfortable....then you'll end up with resentment. Listen to your inner voice, it never steers you wrong!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 9:41pm
I am dealing with a similar situation, except I haven't even had a date with the guy yet. I went to a New Year's party and one of my friends suggested that I go out with a single friend of his. I gave him my number and he passed it on. About 2 weeks later, the single friend called me and asked me out. I had to cancel last minute because I came down with laryngitis. He understood and we made plans for this coming weekend. He has called me a few times, and our conversations have been interesting. He works at a bank, is very intelligent, reads, has a decent sense of humour and seems to be a very genuine guy. There are a few things that I am uncertain about, such as the fact that he lives 45 min by train out of the city, and his children are young, whereas mine are grown and out of the house. But that is not the main issue...
I looked him up online, just to get an idea of what he looked like. I know that looks are only skin deep, and it's not the value of a person, however, I have to be attracted to someone to continue to date him. It sounds very superficial, but I looked at his picture and I was not even remotely attracted to him. I feel extremely shallow but have to admit that going in, I'm not attracted. I really hope that all his other qualities make up for the fact that he is not my type. I have no problem with the fact that his ethnic origin is different than mine. But if I saw him on the street, I would not be attracted to him. I feel wrong even saying it!
Never give all the heart, for love...
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.