He has bad communication skills
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| Mon, 03-09-2009 - 9:19pm |
I've been talking to a guy online for about 3 weeks now. We met on a dating site and we do have plans to meet (or last I knew anyways), but we live 3 hours away from each other.. though I do have plans on moving back to Ohio so I'd live about 15-20 mins from him.
Anyways, I'm having trouble communicating with him. I texted him the other day and told him to not be a stranger, so he texts me back and is like, it goes both ways there ace. So I told him how I would IM him and he wouldn't say much or he wouldn't reply at all. He said that nothing interesting has happened to talk about and he doesn't want to bore me. I told him me neither but I can usually find anything to talk about with someone. So that's when he told me he sucks at small talk and talking about nothing bores the bejesus out of him. He said when he messages/im's/texts someone then there is a point behind his contact. He doesn't just contact someone to "talk"
So there's my problem. I don't know how I am supposed to communicate with him or get to know him better if he says he doesn't do small talk or talking about nothing. I didn't think spontaneous conversation was talking about "nothing". I've never had to think about what I wanted to talk about with a guy, but it seems with him I do. He said there are other ways to get to know someone; he said you can do so through observation and hanging out. I told him unfortunately I can't just drive 3 hours and hang out with him. He said small talk isn't getting to know someone, and I told him that not talking to someone because they have nothing isn't beneficial either.
I mean, I have taken an interest in this guy and he has done the same for me, but I just don't know what I am supposed to do. I asked him if I'm just supposed to sit here and not say anything? He just goes, -_-
Any ideas on things I can say to him so he doesn't think it's small talk and/or mindless ramble? I honestly have NEVER had an issue with talking to people, but with him it seems like I have to THINK about what I'm going to say. Usually I just say random things to people and our conversation usually leads to other good conversations. Has anyone ever dealt with someone like this? It just frustrates me because he doesn't like to talk on the phone because of the awkward silence and we haven't met yet, so I have no way to gauge if this is how he really is. He's also sort of shy/quiet (which is what he claims), so I'm not sure what to do about this. I do enjoy talking to him and when we do talk, we have pretty decent conversations. It almost seems like our conversations are hit or miss. Either he just straight up doesn't have anything to say and our conversation is dead like 2 minutes later, or we can talk a little while about a particular topic.
Edited 3/9/2009 9:21 pm ET by thisisrightnow
Edited 3/9/2009 9:22 pm ET by thisisrightnow

First thing it would be a huge turn off for me when a guy would call me ace!
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Not everyone likes to talk a lot.
He may be the strong, silent type.
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View from the other side:
I'm a quiet person. It pains me to have to make small talk with new people, most times. It's just boring. I don't need everyone to know what I'm thinking. (online is different, lol)
It's even worse when someone comes out with the "you're so quiet, say something." I often get the feeling those talkative people just like to hear themselves talk. They don't care who's listening. (and I'm not saying you're like that.)
I'm more chatty when I know someone, know what they like to talk about, know their sense of humor. But even then, I don't suddenly turn into Chatty Cathy.
~~~
Either have him drive out to meet you, meet in the middle, or wait till you move back to Ohio.
Yes, this is how he is. It's not bad communication skills, he just doesn't want to. Decide now if this isn't for you, before you get too invested.