He likes me... he likes me not!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2013
He likes me... he likes me not!
6
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 8:26am

Hi I'm new to the board, and new to dating! I've been divorced for about 6 months now after a very long relationship with the same person (my ex husband). Well, I went on a date with someone 2 weeks ago. The date started off a little slow then things warmed up towards the end. He walked me to my car and we kissed. It was very nice! The next day he kept texting me and saying things like he couldn't wait to see me again and that was the best first date kiss he'd ever had. He asked me to go to his house and 'watch a movie'. Against my better judgement I said yes... and well... one thing led to another (as you might have guessed). I left his place and he texted me that he had a good time and he didn't expect that things would move so fast. We've been in contact a lot since then. We've exchanged lots of emails and texts. Here's where I'm getting confused. For the past 2 weeks he keeps saying how super busy he is. He hasn't asked me out again. I was curious what he'd say, so I asked him if he wanted to hang out again sometime. He said yes, he would have already asked me if he weren't so busy. In his defense he just moved to a new place and he works 2 jobs. He also seems to have a very busy social life. Am I being niave to think he likes me? Is he being nice and letting me down easy? Would a guy do that? I'd much rather have someone be honest and say 'hey we had a good time, but I'm not interested' so I can move on! It's driving me crazy thinking about him and wondering if he really likes me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 10:05am

I would think that if a guy wanted to disappear, he wouldn't keep on texting you.  That would be a sign to me that he really is busy but wants you to keep thinking of him.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 12:04pm

Clover_78 wrote:
<p>Hi I'm new to the board, and new to dating! I've been divorced for about 6 months now after a very long relationship with the same person (my ex husband). Well, I went on a date with someone 2 weeks ago. The date started off a little slow then things warmed up towards the end. He walked me to my car and we kissed. It was very nice! The next day he kept texting me and saying things like he couldn't wait to see me again and that was the best first date kiss he'd ever had. He asked me to go to his house and 'watch a movie'. Against my better judgement I said yes... and well... one thing led to another (as you might have guessed). I left his place and he texted me that he had a good time and he didn't expect that things would move so fast. We've been in contact a lot since then. We've exchanged lots of emails and texts. Here's where I'm getting confused. For the past 2 weeks he keeps saying how super busy he is. He hasn't asked me out again. I was curious what he'd say, so I asked him if he wanted to hang out again sometime. He said yes, he would have already asked me if he weren't so busy. In his defense he just moved to a new place and he works 2 jobs. He also seems to have a very busy social life. Am I being niave to think he likes me? Is he being nice and letting me down easy? Would a guy do that? I'd much rather have someone be honest and say 'hey we had a good time, but I'm not interested' so I can move on! It's driving me crazy thinking about him and wondering if he really likes me!</p>

Is there any reason why you don't want to believe that he is truly busy with 2 jobs and a new place to get sorted?

Why do you have to be naive to think he likes you? Don't his actions say that to you?

If he was letting you down easy, he would probably disappear, since that is the easiest way , albeit cowardly, to shake someone off.

I would say to get busy in your own life right now--today.  You're dwelling upon something that your relationship hasn't been in existance long enough to support. Surely you had a life before you went out with him!  Go embrace it and fill it so you're not so focused on him calling/not calling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2013
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 1:11pm

No, I have no reason not to believe him... I guess it's just my own insecurity! I am definitely going about my normal routine and life (yes I have one! haha) and not trying to get hung up on someone I just met. I did feel a very strong chemistry with him. I haven't heard from him since Friday (it's Sunday) and well, I'm just not going to initiate a text. I'll wait and see. He did ask when I'll be free this week. If something's going to happen it will. There's no rush on my part, just lots of over thinking! ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2013
Mon, 05-06-2013 - 11:04pm

I heard from him today... haha. I'm so like a little school girl. I'm trying to be cool but it's hard to do. He said he had cell phone trouble and a very busy weekend. I'll give him the benifit of a doubt. I have no reason to doubt him. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Wed, 05-08-2013 - 9:44am

After my divorce, I did a lot of dating several years before meeting my future husband. Yes, you made a mistake by sleeping with him so soon, but learn from it. To rule out players, try to meet a guy in public places for at least the first 4 to 8 dates before going to each others homes. Players won't have the patience to wine and dine you. They just want to jump in the sack with no effort. Someone who is searching for a lifetime partner wants to get to know you and will enjoy your company over dinner, at the movies, hiking, etc. Yes, all guys have sex on the brain, but the guy you're looking for is willing to be patient.

Basically, you'll now have to be the one being patient in order to see how much effort this guy is willing to put into a relationship with you, if there is to be one. Why don't you think about what your standards are and how you would be happy in a dating situation? Too many women accept the crumbs tossed to them by guys. Once you're actively dating someone over a period of time, you have to think about how often you want a man to communicate with you and how often you want to see him every week. When you find a man who is compatible with you and likes to see you and speak to you as much as you like to, then you will feel content. You will feel frustrated if a man doesn't meet your needs, and goes long periods of time without seeing or speaking to you.

Always remember you are in the drivers seat. Choosing a lifetime partner is one of the most important things you'll ever do. If a man doesn't meet your needs, cut him loose. Give this guy a chance to see if he's going to eventually put time and energy into getting to know you. If he just wants to get together at his place again, say no. He just wants a booty call. Get some books from the library or bookstore on dating. One good one is "Why Men Love Bitches." The title is tongue in cheek. It has a lot of good advice in it. There were only a few things I disagreed with. 

Also, even if a guy was nice, if he had 2 jobs which is a respectful thing, but only had time for me once every 3 weeks, it wouldn't be acceptable to me. My goal is to have a regular companion to enjoy life with. There's another nice guy out there who has 1 job and time for me. You are the treasure. Act like it. A guy has to work to keep you in his life. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2013
Wed, 05-08-2013 - 7:02pm

Thanks so much Safire. I did some thinking over the past few days (yes even more thinking). I started asking myself if I really like him. I don't want to end up waiting on someone all the time, and like you said about being given crumbs, that's exactly what it was feeling like. And I was the one pressing him... like hey do you want to go out again, etc. Last night I asked him in a text if I was missing something because he didn't seem very interested. I saw his reply this morning, it was along the lines of "oh man I really suck right now, I'm so busy" etc. So I just replied that I understand busy and maybe someday if things slow down for him he should let me know. He's like "I understand why you feel that way". I really think he was just sorta kinda interested in me. I know when someone likes me... they would do anything to spend time (any guy with any girl) if they really wanted something to happen. Lesson learned! You really do have very good advice, Safire. And... I have that book on my Kindle. ;)