Is he playing hard to get, or what?
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| Sun, 08-23-2009 - 4:30pm |
So I was talking to one of my guy friends about my situation with a guy that I've recently started seeing. Recent being less than a week. My guy friend told me that this guy is playing hard to get and I'm falling for it, when it should be the other way around. Now, I'm not new to dating, but I always thought it was the women that played hard to get, and the guys who chased them. I've heard lots of guys say they don't like to be chased, cause the women lose that "mystery". I'm not sure if I should take how he is being recently as not interested anymore or if I should still try to talk to him/make plans or if I should back off and wait for him to come around.
We hung out on Friday night for the second time, where we kissed and cuddled, and he asked me if he was gonna get to see me this weekend, I told him maybe, but said it in a joking tone. Before I left, he kissed me. He im'ed me the next day on Facebook and we talked a bit. I asked what his plans were. He told me and goes, why? what did you have going on? Since I had nothing to do, he said I could go to his shop with him but the guy didn't end up being there, so we didn't go. I invited him here, and at first he said maybe, but wasn't sure, then later he said he wasn't gonna be able to come since his room mate had the truck, and they share it. I asked if he wanted some company and he said no cause he was still kind of cleaning and gets easily distracted.I told him I'd talk to him later since he was busy.
So what gives? Is this guy just all of a sudden not interested, or is he playing hard to get? He told me Friday night that he kind of liked me. I was like, oh, just kind of like? He was like, well maybe a bit more than like. I didn't think it was possible for someone's feelings to change THAT drastically over night.

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" . . . men do like to do the chasing. Not so much that they're out of breath, but enough to get their heart rate up."
. . . he he! :)
Okay, so a little update.
After what happened that was described in my original post, one of my guy friends (a different one) suggested I sent him a casual message after a day or two, and saying I hadn't heard from him in a little while and to see what was up with him. So I did. He had told me that he had gotten locked out of his house, and stuff. Said he went to work, came back and the locks were changed. So that was like a week ago when we had last talked.
Today he im'ed me and seemed all happy to talk to me. He's like, "Hey :D". I say hey back, and he was like, sorry I haven't been able to get a hold of you all week". He said he had been doing a lot of couch hopping (due to being locked out) and had just been working and what not. Had told me his roommate is moving back to Louisiana in a month or so. I honestly thought I was not going to hear from this dude again, but maybe he just did need space.
A couple things that went on in the conversation..
I told him how I was visiting my best friend in Toledo and I had carbs galore and had Taco Bell (he knows I eat low carb), and he was like, aww.. I missed you eating carbs and didn't even get to take you out to eat? I was like, yeah you did. He goes, "grr.. lol" I was like, maybe next time. He said to let him know the next time I'm going to break my diet and we'll go to an Italian place. Then I had mentioned about me going ice skating and I told him afterwards that I was a lot better than I was the first time. He told me that I'll have to teach him to ice skate.
So to me that seems like good signs and that he just needed his space before or something. I'm going to try my best not to smother him this time around and let him make the plans, so he doesn't push himself away again.
Though I do have a question. He doesn't have a cell phone so it's not like I would need to just call him up to talk, but he's online quite a bit. How often would be a good idea to talk to him on Yahoo and/or how much would be too much? Or should I just let him initiate conversation?
I'd also appreciate some opinions on the rest of my post as well. :)
"Or should I just let him initiate conversation?"
Yes. And let HIM suggest going out.
When you poke at a guy with an email or whatever, 9 times out of 10 he's going to respond. That doesn't mean ANYTHING.
Unless he's calling and asking you out, there's no "there there".
Well, the fact of the matter is that yeah, I did IM him after I hadn't heard from him, but after that very brief and vague convo, I just sort of gave up and then he decided to IM me after a week. I'm not really making excuses for him, but I personally don't just IM people cause I am bored. And yeah, I have signed in invisible so he couldn't see me. Or rather I would just make it so only he couldn't see I was online.
I also wouldn't automatically dismiss IM as a way to keep in touch. With both of my ex's we talked through IM frequently, though they did also have cell phones. We just chose to communicate through IM for the most part, though I did text them if I wanted to get in touch. I am guessing if this guy did want to get in touch with me, the only way he could is through facebook or on the dating site we met on, since he doesn't know my cell number. I never felt the need to give it to him since he said he didn't own a cell phone.
Another little update. I've seen the guy two times since my last post. He im'ed me 2-3 days after my last contact with him. He mentioned that he would love to have another movie night with me. Then later we were talking and I casually mentioned I was a little bored, so he told me when his roommmate go back with the truck, if I wanted, he could come and hang out with me. So he did. Then I didn't talk to him again til 2 days later when he im'ed me again (he im'ed me the day before on facebook but I was offline when he did). And he invited me out to where he lives to hang out and watch a movie, where we cuddled and kissed and what not. Tonight he confessed to me that he more than likes me now. He said he's in like with me. Though we obviously haven't reached exclusive terms yet, since we've been seeing each other just shy of 3 weeks, and he is wanting to take it slow.
So I've sorta started seeing this other guy, too. I'm not sure if it'll go anywhere, which is why I say sort of, as I just went on a date with him tonight (an actual date, haha), and he asked me if I was doing anything tomorrow (today), and I told him I didn't think so. So he said he'd give me a call today.
I did find that acting like I wasn't as consumed in guy A, and had a life and didn't care as much, actually worked and got him to contact me more. Amazing how that works. I was for sure this guy was gone and had run for the hills. But apparently he just needs space and really doesn't want to rush into things.
Yep, that seems to be working for me, too. I act like I don't care, and I can't keep 'em away. When I acted like I cared, sent emails to say 'thanks for the date', I'd never hear from the guy again. Now, I act like the date never happened, and I am getting texts and emails on a daily basis.
I've never gone into dating with this attitude before, I thought it was 'rude' and kind of bitchy, but it's working for me, and keeping me a lot saner in the long run.
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