iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2009
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 12:37pm


I need some girly advice this morning. It's not narc related, but it's more like some 'moving on after the narc' advice.

Ok, so last week I wrote a little post about a great date I had. The date was Thursday night, we played pool, had a great time (it was a set-up by a mutual acquaintance who thought we'd be a good match) and he secured a dinner date for the following evening.

Friday night he picks me up, I live almost 45 min away from him. We go back to his place, he gets ready...takes me to a fancy restaurant, we have a great time & decide to rent a movie and watch it at his place.

Up until this point there had been no physical contact and I don't know why, but I feel like I'm 15 again, hence where your advice/input would be greatly appreciated.
So we're on this little couch and my back is sore so he gave me a back rub, and I don't know if it was because he is new, I've only met him the previous evening or maybe I needed a glass of liquid courage but I felt extremely shy/awkward.

So I mentioned that "hey...don't mind me, I'm usually awkward at first for quite a while with someone" he said "ya nervous" and pulled me into him, so now I'm sitting with my back against his chest and kinda holding hands.

Sat there like that for a bit...then I moved back to my spot beside him...his arm was behind me on the couch and I was extremely shy for some reason, we laughed and chatted, but it was tough for me to make eye contact.

He never tried for a kiss the entire second date...

So he kinda assumed I was going to crash at his house because of the distance and it was 2am...but I had stuff to do in the morning, so he drove me home.

The next morning he was leaving at 7am for a hunting trip with a guy friend of his, no cell reception (we're in happens, lol).

10am I sent him a "have a great trip ;)"

Sunday he txts back "thanks, had an awesome time and a bit too much to drink" then another txt immediately afterwards,
"oh, and had a good time too on friday night, hope you did too"

I replied (just about my weekend being good) and a "as for Friday night, me too :)"

He replies "glad you had fun, maybe we can get together again"

Me "sounds good to me" that was yesterday afternoon. Seems kinda vague on his part, do you ladies think I blew it and he may just 'not be that into me?' He kinda secured the first 2 dates well in advance... and now this.

I'm still insecure because of my narc abuse in the past... he was cheated on by his ex and he left her a year ago.

He smelled great. I like him. He's a sweetheart and totally normal and anyways, your take on this would really help me out this morning :)


Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: countrygal999
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 1:05pm

All of this since just last Thursday? My first thought is, "Slow down, sister."

You say you felt extremely awkward but you don't know why? Could it be that you hardly know this guy? Personally, I don't like going to a man's house early on, it's just too much pressure to get physical. And that whole back rub thing...oldest trick in the book.

He may very well have the most honorable of intensions, and he may be totally into you...but give it a chance. I personally like to give a guy plenty of space at the beginning. Look at it this way: you're either a match or you're not. Rushing things won't help. It will either work out or it won't.

I say, relax, and have some dates that are not at each other's houses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
In reply to: countrygal999
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 10:13pm

Girly, the first couple of dates should have nothing to do with his place or your place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
In reply to: countrygal999
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 10:26pm

Yeah, going to someone's house early on isn't a good idea, and I had to learn that not once, but twice!