Help...How do I find a GOOD man?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2008
Help...How do I find a GOOD man?
44
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 7:43pm

Hi Everyone,


I'm new at this site and am hoping for some advice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2008
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 11:43pm

First of all, congrats for getting out of an abusive relationship.

Believe in yourself, and others will follow!

have a blessed day...............

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Sat, 05-17-2008 - 6:45pm

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2008
Sun, 05-18-2008 - 1:12am

Hmm...I know that there are good men out there...I just haven't been able to find one for me. Most of the really good guys that I know are married or have a gf already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Sun, 05-18-2008 - 2:35am

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Sun, 05-18-2008 - 5:44pm
Sending hugs your way bearlover67. Your divorce just became final two months ago, what's your hurry to get into a relationship? You stated in your post "you were alone and are still alone" - that tells me you are not content being single, meaning if you were in a relationship you would not be alone. Until you are content with yourself being single you will not be able to be content with a relationship and with yourself as a whole person outside of a relationship. I was in the same situation as you when I was married - I was abused and very lonely in my marriage. My husband passed 8 years this month - I was in counseling prior to him passing, late husband always told me that I had issues & needed help, and he refused to go with me to counseling. It took me close to three years to let go of the anger & pain I incurred with from late husband (I was with him for about 15 years and he was my first & only boyfriend out of high school). While married I had lost myself. After husband passed I set several goals of things that I wanted to do, things I had given up, and to focus on bringing myself back to who I was - which made a huge difference with who I am today. I no longer feel that I have to be in a relationship to be happy/whole and function. I am fine being single, the least bit lonely, to my I would much rather be living single than be in a relatioship being lonely. I have had several relationships and I was the one who ended most of them because I was not going to relive my marriage again in an unhealthy way, not worth it; and I do trust that all the good men are not taken. I have signed up for classes that interest me so that I can meet people with the same interest, church functions, family functions to meet everyone and enyone, I do trust when the timing is right the Lord will allow me the meet the special man he has planned for me. I would love to meet a special man and get married again. While being patient I am living my life to the fullest, involved with church, and having a great time. You need to focus on yourself, bringing yourself back to who you were before getting married, sign up for the classes that interest you, take up some hobbies, get out and enjoy life, and try not to focus on meeting another guy. Another interest that may help fill your void is church, I go to a wonderful church that offers a lot of functions, it's a great outlet to meet people to socialize with, and help the less fortunate - my experiences and involvement with the church & the Lord has brought peace to me & I no longer fill a void. Prior to church involvement I was always on the go, in search of something, did not know what, and felt something was missing - ever since my involvement at church I am no longer searching, my void has been filled by the Lord. I wish you the best.

Anna


Anna

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Mon, 05-19-2008 - 12:27pm

Hi Z! I am really touched by what you said and I was wondering if you would tell us how you were able to get to this point in your life.


I hear what your saying about loving yourself first but I have to be honest, after so many, many years of being very negative about myself where do I start? I wouldn't have a clue how to do what you described.


I see my 23 year old daughter going down that same path I did and I don't want her to end up like me with a string of really inappropriate relationships behind her when she's in her 40's.


Thanks in advance.

Photobucket

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Mon, 05-19-2008 - 1:16pm

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 12:58pm

All I have to say is wow, but I do have a couple questions.


Do you think your life would be different if you had gone to college?


Are you glad things happened how they did?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 2:24pm

Oh my this is a can of worms.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 2:32pm
HI Bearlover; I am also getting back into the dating scene after being married for 15yrs and I am baffled as to what guys want now, I know that guys want to be loved for who they are , but what attracts them is so much different than it used to be, than when I was dating. The reason being is because there is the internet and online dating, which you can find a date online and then meet in real life... I have met a good guy , he and I talk alot on the phone, and we text alot... we met through a internet dating site on the Virgin Mobile Phone , it is called Mobilove, Sure I had some guys who want to marry me right off the bat,and havent even met me.. I was not going to marry some guy that I haven't met , and much less even got to know... I have had some guys who are just after one thing... duh! sex, and it wasn't the type of relationship that I really wanted, when I did decide what I really wanted , I decided to write the right profile and then that way, it would weed out the guys who want just sex... I am now happy with the guy I am currently with, he is as good as gold to me... My husband was also abusive....

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