How do you know if he's *Ready*?
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| Tue, 07-07-2009 - 7:40am |
Not dating for several weeks--I'm on vacation--has given me a chance to sift through past experiences and think about how I'd like to approach the whole dating thing once I'm back. Plus, I teach, so that opens up the summer a bit.
I'm wondering why I choose/am chosen by men who don't seem ready for a relationship. There's a host of them, the last one being Motorcycle Guy. Is this all luck? I've got friends over the years who've met someone within weeks of getting on a dating site. So, what vibes do I throw out that mark me as someone who's datable but...er...and I'm not blaming the men--many times I don't find them to be what was *advertised* and I back off.
Even one guy with a long relationship history backed waaay off after coming on very strong. And maybe that's one reddish flag. I've done it all, though, experienced the blowtorchers, the slow-to-warmers, the clueless, and those that return to the watering hole (me) to check me out yet again.
It all gives me stuff to write about. I should have been a psychologist.
Any ideas about how to "get through" this fallow period? It's disheartening and I know others feel/have felt the same way. I'm not clingy and I don't readily stop dating several guys in favor of one person, because that's usually a false step.
I'm getting a massage here this week. That should help.


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On vacation, as you may know, so my postings are a bit behind. Interesting stuff here.
I can totally relate to much that's been said here, including the relationships that are going well, that is, the guy is doing what you'd like a man to do. I hope it continues.
My situation was finding a man who came on rather strong (Yes! "I love you" the third week.), and pulled back around the third month. His representative was way too busy, I guess. This experience and several others was the reason I posted in the first place. He seemed *ready* and then became distant.
My point is that we become distrustful and blechhh, the bad part is that wariness leads the way. A man has to prove himself, prove trustworthy. To an extent, that is normal. It's the way it should be. After all, who's going to take a man seriously when he says, "I know it's early but I love you and it's not going to change." (double blechhh) But a little birdie in your head tweets, "Maybe this one is different."
So then Motorcycle Man appears, low key, makes no moves right away. Keeps calling. You see him twice a week. He's goes slowly and then you're seeing him once a week and something's not quite right. He's a lousy kisser. He never makes plans. Still, he's not coming on too strong.
Eventually Motorcycle Man roars away on his Indian, his kerchief blowing in the wind.
And so it goes.
They come on strong, they're taking it slow, they're cute, they're short, fattish, and everything else in between. Who knows.
I'd be taking that *normal* man a day at a time. There's nothing else to do really.
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