How do you know you're ready?
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| Tue, 10-07-2008 - 5:31pm |
I had a rough breakup at the beginning of the summer, and I've been on a few dates since then but I've had no real interest in giving up my newfound sense of dedication to myself and my life, my friends and family, etc.
I feel like I'm getting to the point where I'd like to REALLY date, though - not just to date because I'm lonely but because I want to get to know someone new and see where it goes.
However, I'm scared. I'm scared I'll screw up again and pick the wrong guy to fall for, I'm scared that I won't find anyone who likes me enough or that I won't find someone I like enough, and I'm scared that I haven't fully healed my wounds from my last relationship. I'm scared that I'll repeat the same mistakes.
How do you know if you're ready? Should I just stop worrying so much and get out there? I know I'm not very good at internet dating (too much pressure) so I'm focused on meeting guys through friends and just around town - maybe I should try internet dating again? I'm a smart, attractive woman with a lot to offer but I'm at the age (30) where almost all my friends are getting married and having children and here I am back in the dating game. I guess I've learned a lot but I feel like I wasted the last two years with a guy who wasn't what I thought and I'm just petrified that I missed out.
Help!

However, I'm scared. I'm scared I'll screw up again and pick the wrong guy to fall for, I'm scared that I won't find anyone who likes me enough or that I won't find someone I like enough, and I'm scared that I haven't fully healed my wounds from my last relationship. I'm scared that I'll repeat the same mistakes
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I agree with the other poster that you should look at dating as a social outing with a new friend.
Well, maybe I'm not ready. I actually have seen a therapist a couple of times since breaking up, and he wasn't that helpful. So, I just called today (right before I got the reply that suggested it!) my old therapist from when I was in grad school and I'm hoping to set up private appts with her.
I hadn't realized quite how "scaredy cat" I was coming off in my post - I was just trying to own my feelings about REALLY trying to date again, like I said, not just so I have something to do on a friday night but because I want to get to know someone again, and enjoy their company and learn new things, etc. etc. It's easy to date with a closed heart, not so easy with an open one - it is scary and I'm not ashamed to say it! Which means, like you've all said, maybe I'm not ready at all.
But I've also come to the conclusion that I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and no one is perfect - so I can't wait forever until I'm in the "perfect place" to date again. I'll never get there! I just want to be open to opportunities as they arise and try not to feel that social pressure to be with someone right away. I'd actually say right now I'm more likely to NOT give a date a chance than the opposite. Yeah, kinda guarded - which might not be a terrible thing given my predisposition to give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt.
Life is a bumpy road, but I'm not going to let crazy ex-boyfriends and even my own insecurities keep me from having the life I want and deserve.
So who knows what will happen - thanks for all your advice, but I'm not going to not date just because I have some reservations and concerns, and yes, fears.