How should I talk about this to him
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| Sat, 03-28-2009 - 12:31pm |
hey all of you .
I found a guy on POF and we started seeing each other 9 months ago .. the person is very nice, decent, much older, and also not from my back ground which are all the things I wanted .. as I am coming out of a abusive relationship and going through divorce .
so now in all this I have been out with this BF twice to dinner, once for a walk and most of the time only for have coffee. we have slept together once and that was earlier on.
He knows my answer will be "yes" if he asks and he know that I would like to spend more time with him but still he has no time.
I some times feel like a wife who has to wait and stick around not a girl friend.
I dont want to go in my own culture because only think about how to use you .. I have had that and I want to go out on finding a new guy for myself because its such a bother ..couldn't I just repair him a little bit. I did not even get a valentine card or gift because he was not in town.
its very boring. it will a big trouble looking
If I tell him all this, he apologies, gives it a thought make plans and then nothing comes out of them
because of my past, I don't to ask him for anything date , sex, outing , fun but that does not mean I dont want them.
please help

It sounds like you've already talked to him and nothing has changed.
"its very boring. it will a big trouble looking"
If you're feeling this way after nine months, I'm just not sure things are ever going to change. I would certainly not try to "repair" this guy.
It sounds like you were really hurting from your abusive marriage and latched on to this guy. You might want to take some time to just be on your own and heal a little before trying to date anyone.
Take care.
Hi, I am glad to hear you got out of your abusive marriage and are getting a divorce.
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hi . thank you for replying .. One of my girlfriends said that if I had been
Since he is hesitant about your relationship I think if you talk to him about it you will only chase him away.
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My first thought is--are you sure this guy isn't married? Seriously. My friend is actually seeing a married man she has known for about 15 yrs (she's divorced), which I think is stupid, but that's beside the point. Like these past couple of weeks she has been able to see him because his wife went on vacation to Europe. But normally he will come by her house once in a while, or they will go for a ride somewhere or maybe out to lunch, but his wife would be suspicious if he wasn't home at night.
I mean, 2 dinners in 9 months--who is that busy? What is he, Donald Trump? So first I would do a little investigating--do you know where he works, have you seen his office, do you know where he lives, have you seen his house, etc? Have you met any of his family members? If he does have to travel a lot on business, does he tell you where he is going, when he is getting back,etc? Or has he said that he is waiting for your divorce to be final and then he will see you more?
Frankly, I think you're wasting your time on him. You could do better and yes, it might take some effort and going out w/ a lot of guys where you find out you don't want to date each other before you find the right guy. But it seems like now you are just settling for someone who is basically a decent guy but not too interested in you.
hey thanks for the detailed answer ..
I have seen his office and he does live up north and he working hours are 7 am for which he leaves his house around 5:45 am and comes back around 4:30 pm and because of my family circumstances he goes to have dinner around to his place then every weekend he goes up north to be with his ailing mother and daughter's family so friday to sunday are gone like that, I do not ask him for anything .. but he knows he is welcome if he is available .. as I have my own set of problems which we do talk about.
he talks about his girls (both married with children) and other stuff. I don't know if this will get better but yes I would love to go out with him but......... so friends lets see what he does for my Birthday which is in next 10 days. also tell me .. should I arrange to take him out with my kids or not. he is divorced for around 15 yrs now and has had 4 or more relationships before me. He is 11 yrs senior to me .