I have nothing in common with women

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
I have nothing in common with women
7
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 12:43pm

I know from reading these boards that men arent too popular here, lol, but this is the only place I could figure to post this so here goes.

I am in my late twenties and I can honestly say after years and years of dating and meeting women whether it be at work, school, online, at a bar, through friends, etc etc. I have never met a woman I have anything in common with. I have never felt a personal connection with a woman. I dont think this makes me sexist even though whenever I tell someone this I get called a sexist.
I just dont connect with women or relate to them. And this also includes family members like my mother and my sisters...I get along with women fine but as far as some kind of deep meaningful relationship....I just dont relate to women as friends or as a potential partner.

Any women understand this? Are there women who can honestly say they have never connected with men like this? I was just curious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 1:54pm

Men may be in the minority here numbers wise, but I wouldn't say they're not popular - check any board and you'll see you're just about all we women talk about! LOL. ;)


In all seriousness, though, I do get what you're saying and I don't think you're sexist based on what you've typed there, either. I think it's probably more likely that you just haven't met the right women, or maybe it's your perspective that needs a little adjusting?

_________________________________________________


Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 2:38pm

Hmmm, well let me ask you this...are you sexually attracted to women?

I also don't think you sound sexist from what you've written, but I do wonder what you expect from a romantic relationship in terms of having things in common. Hobbies? Spiritual beliefs? The same work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 3:10pm

Im looking for anything to connect with in women. I am verrrry sexually attracted to women which is why I have been called sexist because people say I am only interested in sex. Thats not true though, I just want to meet a woman I have something in common with.

IT can be anything....something to talk about with a woman. I can never carry on a conversation with a woman about anything....either shes bored with me or Im bored with her.

Its very frustrating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 3:22pm

Have you tried finding a woman that has your same interests? For example if you like to play pool, find a lady that plays pool.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 3:57pm
If you really are attracted to women, then maybe in some wierd way, that's why you can't connect to them--maybe you are thinking of them somehow as a different species instead of just people. Now if you are able to make friendships w/ guys, then I think there is no reason you shouldn't be able to make friendships w/ girls too. I think you should start off just trying to make friends w/ some girls. Try it maybe w/ some girls you really aren't even that attracted to and go about it like you would w/ a guy friend. Like the OP said, find someone you have something in common with--maybe join some co-ed groups that aren't really dating groups, but places where you could hang out w/ women in a more natural way, like an activities group. Try just talking to some women about something that you have in common, or something that you both like. I do think that once you make friends w/ women, then you'll start to find out that women really aren't so different and you can progress to romance. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 4:08pm

What are you talking ABOUT, what's the topics?

She wants to talk about stickers & ponies & you want to discuss the mating habits of the tree frog?

~~~

What does anyone talk about ...

what do you do for work
what do you like about it, hate about it
where do you live, what's fun to do near there
what do you do for fun
what happened last weekend
see any good movies lately
what bands do you like,
when was the last concert you went to
how was it
read any good books lately
do you work out, do you run, or bike or lift weights or do ti-chi (sp) would you suggest people try it, how's it working for you
how do you spend your time
see any good websites recently
do you volunteer
where was your last vacation

at your peril, try to discuss ...
do you join in politics
are you religious

Are these topics too "useless" too mundane?

Again, what should two strangers try to talk about?

~~~

Is it the way it's presented, not the topic?

Does she go on for 10 minutes about how she likes her job as you stare into your drink, & then go "yeah, I guess" because her job is lame?

Do you like really obscure bands & she has no idea who any of them are, then you secretly hate her now in your head, for being so trite & a sell out?

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Fri, 04-24-2009 - 10:35am

The first thing I would suggest is that you stop thinking of women as a different species. We are just like men in most ways that matter.

You say that you feel you can't connect with your mother and sisters. Why is that? Do you have older sisters that "shut you out" or do you have younger sisters that seemed silly to you?

Just because you and your sisters weren't close (you probably were rivals in the family in some way) doesn't mean that you can't get close to other women.

Do you feel that women want or expect too much before they are willing to give you what you want/need from them? Or is it that you just don't understand what they want?

My one suggestion (to add to the excellent comments you've heard already) is that what women want initially is that you should listen to them respectfully. I had a highschool boyfriend who had the habit of telling me I looked pretty whenever I was talking about an idea, a book, anything that didn't interest him. He thought he was flattering me as well as getting me off the "boring" subject. I thought he was putting my intelligence down. (Surprise: we broke up before senior year!)

Find a woman who you think is pretty and who will listen to _you_ and do her the courtesy of listening to _her_ and see where it goes from there. Initial conversation is not very deep. It's just a time to get to know how the other person listens and responds. Try to find someone with interests similar to yours, and that will give you a chance to "click" with a girl.