I hooked up with my boss...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2012
I hooked up with my boss...
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 7:57pm

My boss and I (neither married) have been attracted to each other for a while, but neither of us ever said anything. And without saying (anything much that is)..we had sex. I was/am not expecting a relationship from it. I am even fine with it being just that one time. But he is almost ignoring me completey. I used to see him several times a day...now I'm lucky if I see him just once per day, and I even caught him craning his neck one day to look at me. What's going on? I  promised not to say anything to my co-workers and I wont, because I have my reputation to protect.  I am not very experienced with hooking up or sex for that matter, but I decided to throw caution to the wind for once. I don't want to approach him because that would be outside of the norm and my comfort zone. Can anyone provide some insight on what is going on with him? 

No judgement and none of the usual about not sleeping where you work, etc.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 2:28pm

I think different people handle a situation like that differently. It would seem the hookup has made the situation between him and you awkward for him. Maybe in his mind it is always going to be hanging in the air between him and you and may take a long time, if ever, to get back to normal. He may be afraid that you are going to say something to others, even though you said you wouldn't.

I guess if you are asking can/will things get back to "normal" between you, I think they may never quite be the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 9:26pm
He could be worried that you'll get attached and want more from him and that probably isn't what he wants. A few years ago I hooked up with a colleague (not my boss) and I just pulled him aside and told him straight out that I wasn't expecting anything and if he kept avoiding me other people would get suspicious. Then I just made sure that when we were interacting we were clearly talking about work and other people were present. We also never used company devices to talk about personal stuff. Yeah things won't immediately be normal, but you do still have to work together. It might be easier to just privately and quietly address the elephant in the room.
Follow me to Coping with Job Loss

Follow me to Birth Control

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 12-13-2012 - 3:12am

  Hi  I have had sex with my boss too.  She was cool about it.  We realized it was what it was and were cool.  In your case it is probably CYA for him.  Think nothing of it. 


Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 11:50am

maybe it wasn't good for him and he'd rather ignore you.

he may also be worried about a sexual harassment lawsuit he's just opened himself up to. If he is the one whose word advances or negates a promotion for you, then he could be in a world of trouble behind what he did. Because you won't know if it's because you're not the most qualified candidate or if he's got an issue because he slept with you.