i thought he was the one but he's not...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2002
i thought he was the one but he's not...
7
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 4:46pm

hello...i have been an emotional disaster for three months since me and my ex broke up three months ago. i have been clinging onto the hope that we would get back together. but last night we spoke and he told me that he is moving on and that he doesn't think we should see or speak to each other anymore so that we can heal. i'm devestated. i feel that i need to meet someone else. i'm 30 years old and i know that is not old at all, but i FEEL old. for some reason i feel like he was my last chance at happiness. i haven't met anyone since we broke up. i just feel old and tired but i want to get back out there so that this feeling stops.


i think part of hte reason my ex is so OK (we were together for three years!! he got over it in THREE MONTHS!!) is because he must be dating and sleepign around. it makes me sick.


i want to feel sexy and desirable again too. i need help with my confidence. struggling here after the feeling of rejection from this breakup.


how do i get back out there?


any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 5:46pm

To ME it sounds like you are not at all ready to be moving on and dating, especially after three months. I think you need to wokr on your feelings and on geting past this relationship before moving into the dating world. I think posting over in the "Breaking up is Hard to Do" forum would be more helpful to you, since you're not ready yet to start dating. If you're still hung up and hurting from your last relationship, then you're not going to have much to offer someone new, emotionally.


I also was in a three year relationship, which ended suddenly and despite the obvious issues, was very happy in. We have been broken up for over a year and he is actually engaged to someone else, despite the fact the big reason we broke up was because he didn't believe in marriage and never wanted to get married to anyone, ever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 5:51pm

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 12:35pm

Sorry for your breakup.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2002
Sat, 08-16-2008 - 8:46pm
thank you everyone for your thoughtful and hopeful responses. it helps to read!!! to answer your last question, i don't know why but i feel like i'm having a life crisis at 30. i guess since i was a little girl i thought by the time i was 30 i'd be married with kids. now i'm 30 and i'm so afraid that i'm alone. i feel like my ex was my last chance but i know he is wrong for me. i had to move home with my parents because i was so devestated over the break up and too poor to find a place on my own. my boyfriend helped support me. now i'm 30, single, poor and lost. i know things could be worse and i should be counting my blessings, i just didn't think i'd be here. i'm afraid that i'm going to be alone forever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 1:19pm

OK, you have to get it out of your mind that he was your "last chance" and you will be alone forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2002
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 10:35pm
thank you for mentioning john gray's book. i can't bring myself to read it yet...but can you help me understand why my ex boyfriend has moved on after our three year relationship in just months! he treats me now as if he never was with me. he is cold, insensitive and acts like we are strangers. he hasn't expressed any remorse or guilt or sorrow over ANYTHING that has happened. he says "all women try to make men feel bad' that is his response to me. or he hangs up on me and ignores me. i've NEVER done anything to hurt him. we had THREE years together and so much life. how is it possible that he is just over it...just like that. i can't accept it. it doesn't seem fair that he is so happy now. i don't understnad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 5:13am

You need to read John Gray's book. It's like talking to a friend. He is gentle and caring and everything is very careful written. You don't want to feel so bad and you want to understand and his book with help you, I promise. We were together 3 years too and just months later he was doing the same thing yours is doing to you. Exactly the same. I'm on anti-depressants now, after over a year of struggling to get out of bed and just function. And I am so much better for it. It wasn't just the break up that made me depressed, it is alot of things in my life right now, but the break up is my main source of unhappiness.