Is it moral to date while only separated
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| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 5:10pm |
I’ve posed this question to several people and I’ve gotten divided response. I wondered what y’all thought.
Is it moral to date someone else when you’re separated but not yet divorced? Forget “moral” – is it socially acceptable? Does the answer change whether you’ve filed or not yet?
A workshop leader I talked to (Catholic-based divorce workshop) said that it’s acceptable to date while separated and not divorced, that it’s not “cheating.” And that sex in that situation was immoral in the same way as it is in pre-marital situations, but not adulterous since you’re seeking the termination of the marriage.
A therapist I asked said it was completely moral to date while separated as long as you’ve made it clear to your spouse that it is o.v.e.r. in no uncertain terms. But he also said that children should not be privy to this until “the gavel falls.”
A book on marital separation I read talked about dating and even sex as a forgone conclusion during this period, even before divorce is final.
Friends seem split on the topic. My father was aghast that I would consider dating (not that I’ve been asked, it’s a hypothetical) before a divorce is final. I feel weird about it, like it’s not quite right, but part of me also wonders what’s wrong with seeing a movie with someone for a little companionship once in a while?
What do you all think?

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Anna
You are still legally married so no matter how long you have been separated or how long the marriage has been "dead," the guy will be dating a married woman.
If you want companionship for a movie or other activities, you can always draw on friends or do it in groups.
More often than not, the single person is being used as an emotional band-aid to get over the bad marriage. Some are OK being the guy/gal to have fun with someone that is on the rebound, others find that they get emotionally tied up with the married person and find out that they are just the transition guy/gal.
Mark
I was in pretty much the same situation as you i_am_fine_now. My marriage ended years before I actually asked for a divorce. I think as long as you are mentally and emotionally detached from a former spouse (and a divorce is at least in the process) that it wouldn't be wrong to date if you meet a man that seems to fit your idea of a good one. BUT ... that said I think it is IMPORTANT to be honest with the person you are dating and tell them the situation (at least if it turns into more than one date).
Good luck to you!
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