Is it possible he just needs space?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2007
Is it possible he just needs space?
Mon, 12-06-2010 - 1:45pm

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two weeks. I do think our relationship got to moving too fast. I told him in the beginning I was okay with seeing him 3 days a week. We just got so comfortable with each other that we were seeing each other like 5-6 days a week, and several of those nights I stayed the night. I didn't realize til today the image I put off. I would come to his place with my bag packed even if I only intended on staying a week. I noticed probably 4-5 days ago he started becoming distant. I had expressed my concern to him and he said it had nothing to do with me. Yesterday he texts me a little while after I left and was like, Just wanted to say thanks for coming over and for dinner and everything. I really enjoyed it. I'm also sorry I've been distant and what not. I promise it's not you. I just have a lot going on right now and on my mind and I just need to sort it all out. If you would just bare with me, I understand if you can't". I even asked him if he was having doubts of being in a relationship right now, so I offered him an out. He said he did not having any doubts about that and just needs to sort things out. He also added that he does not want to hurt me or make me feel otherwise.

So I'm going to give him some space and just wait for him to come around and talk to me. Would a guy say he wanted to be in a relationship with you even if they didn't? I would think if he wanted an out and I gave him that option, if he wanted it, he could take it. I figure if he hasn't come around in 2-3 days, then he probably won't. But I do plan on talking to him (if he does come around) that I think we should go back to only seeing each other 3 days a week, and not spending the night at his house for a while. I wasn't aware the image it was putting off. It probably made it seem we were living together or super serious.


Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 12-06-2010 - 3:14pm

In my opinion you are moving way too fast. You have not even been dating for two weeks and you are already staying over at his house multiple nights? I can see anyone needing to step back from this a bit and collect themselves. He probably is having some second thoughts about the quick escalation of things. You could certainly try and go back to not staying over, etc, but once the genie is out of the bottle then it seems like the relationship is going in the other direction when it has only barely started.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 12-07-2010 - 4:13pm

So you have been "boyfriend/girlfriend" for two weeks (as in you dated for a while first)?

Or you have been dating TOTAL for two weeks?

Please clarify, because if you have been dating only two weeks and are calling each other BF/GF, then yes you are moving too fast.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 7:19am

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2009
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 12:03am
I have a similar situation: A girl and I just started dating... She 38, me 36.. I have kids, her none, we both have been through marriages. She told me today it's feeling like a relationship and she is getting attached, now wants to have space, says she is not ready. I asked her "Deep down, I feel like before we met we had a unreal connection... Have you developed feelings towards me? Stronger than normal... And be completely and totally cold hearted honest". We met through others and talked before we met face to face. Her answer was "yes". Would she lie to make it easy? What's this running from feelings crap? I thought women wanted strong relationships with people they felt things for?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 6:30pm