It really isn't fair that men control the relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
It really isn't fair that men control the relationship
7
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 5:13pm

For those of you who have followed my previous post you know that I was dating someone for about 9 months and it just didn't work out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

You don't have to let men call the shots--you are just accepting a passive role so he must think that you like it that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Oh, you're relationship sounds like one I was just in, except for me it was a slow 3 1/2 months of such meandering interest. I found my mind wandering and then my emotions wandering and then I was accepting dates with other men, and I even paid a visit to my FWB last Thursday (I admit that I have one; he's young & cute & chronically single). So I think you have to do something or your relationship is going to fizzle out like mine did.

So I think Musiclover is right, to the extent that there's no reason to let the guy control the relationship. Particularly if you've been physical (my relationship never became physical). Clearly he's interested, or else why would he keep calling you for dates?

So I think you should feel comfortable calling him and invite his butt out (or over) once in awhile. In fact, I really recommend you do so, or there's a great chance yours will go the way of mine, which is nowhere.

Good luck!

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Not sure what you mean by "depth?" Your once-a-week dates are not fun? You've been seeing him for 2 months so do you mean that you want more than just an activity date like sharing dreams, deeper interests and values, etc.?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
Yes... that is exactly what I mean. Here I am, another week or two from when I first posted and still, I get my daily text or phone call. Sometimes I initiate, but 75% of the time he does. I still have seen him once a week.

I really want to see him more and exactly what you said "share dream, deeper interests and values, etc.". I so badly want to let him lead, but am wondering if this may be leading nowhere.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I don't understand your issue. You've been seeing him once-a-week for 2 months (approx 8 dates). He's been communicating in between via text or phone call daily. You want him to "lead" which means that you want him to bring up his dreams, interests, values? What the heck do you two talk about daily then? What sort of conversation do you have with him when you see him once a week?

Do you share your interests, dreams and values with him? and ask him about his?

Mark
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004

If you want more contact then what you have been having with him then initiate more contact with him. Call him, text him. Ask him out on more dates then just once a week. If he is not agreeeable to having more contact with you and that is what you really want from a man then maybe you should move on and find a guy who wants more contact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009

I really like him and he has so much to offer.... I just don't want to screw it up.