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Just a Question
| Sat, 11-22-2008 - 6:55pm |
How long after a separation do you wait to start dating? Although I just split with my husband the marriage has been dead for a long time.
| Sat, 11-22-2008 - 6:55pm |
Here I go again sounding like a broken record, but take some time to grieve and heal.
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I had the same situation...dead marriage for a few years before separation. My ex moved out in Feb 07 and I was divorced by May. But I KNEW I was in no position to date (my ex, on the other hand, has been living with someone for a year now...jerk). I had a life in upheaval, kids to worry about...there was simply no time or energy to add someone to my life.
Yes, it does get LONELY. But that is the WORST way to approach dating. Get your companionship from friends, families, coworkers for now. I actually made myself take a full year from the divorce before I even considered dating, because I didn't think it was right to make any guy have to deal with my issues.
Even at the beginning of dating I was not very good at it. I didn't know what I wanted and it sort of messed up a little relationship I was in. Now I approach it as not NEEDING to have someone, but wanting someone and I seem to be having better luck.
Don't let anyone tell you when to start. Some people were shocked that I wasn't dating immediately, others are shocked that I am dating now. It's just what works for you.
I'm new on this site...but just had to respond to your post. I have been separated for a year, and have been emotionally done with my marriage long before that. My divorce is not near over, but we are doing mediation and hopefully it will be soon.
I think the best answer is "when YOU are ready." You might even think you are and dive back in to dating, then realize you're not....like me :-) I still go back and forth on whether I am ready. I know that I WANT a fulfilling, healthy, loving relationship, however I know that I can't provide that yet, because I would want to keep any new man a secret from my soon-to-be-ex. I have been casually dating (10 times in 7 months) a separated man, and am finally realizing HE can't give me what I need either. I have become way too emotionally attached, even though neither of us can do a relationship right now. I'm considering backing out of the dating scene altogether, and risking losing someone I really like, just to get my s**t together and focus on finishing the divorce. I'm going to make "healthy dating" my incentive.
My married friend keeps saying, "This is a very unique time for you...enjoy being single, because it will not last forever." I think there is some merit to that. It gets very lonely...but I think this is just temporary. I don't know if I helped any, but I want you to know you're not alone!
Yes even tho love has not been in the relationship for a while its still a loss (a death, so to speak).
There is nothing wrong with wanting friends to hang out with.
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