Men are so confusing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2007
Men are so confusing!
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 7:56pm

I recently starting seeing this guy.  On paper he is great.  He is everything I am looking for.  Educated, successful, stable... We have been texting every day for the last several weeks.  In conversation (either in person or via texting) he talks about things we need to do together this summer, places we need to go etc.  Well we hooked up the first time (no sex.. everything but) the other night and everything changed.  Things got so awkward.  Our conversations are very generic.  I don't know what happened!  I am so confused as to what happened, what went wrong, and where to go from here.  I really have an interest in seeing where this could go, but I don't know how to make things normal!  Any advice?

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 9:05pm


   Ask him.  Communication is important.  Body language too.  You could be giving off mixed messages.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 10:17pm

I think the only way you could know is to ask him.  If he only wanted sex, then I don't think he would have waited weeks (I assume you had some dates during this time).  Also was there some awkwardness because you stopped short of having sex?  I assume you had at least kissed before this time?  So if things started getting hot & heavy but then you cut him off short of having sex, maybe that confused him, like you were being a tease.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 11:43pm

Here's one possibility:  "He sounds good on paper"......meaning he presents himself well, but you really have no idea if he's being truthful or not.  Now you "hook up" and things change?  Maybe that's all he was interested in.......he got what he wanted.  Not sure what you mean by "everything but sex"......isn't hooking up ALL sex?  Do you mean everything but intercourse?  Maybe he wanted intercourse too. 

There's no way you can know what changed or what happened without asking him about it.  That is if he's still in your life.  Men aren't confusing at all.  But some men say whatever they need to get what they want.  Most women are very impressed by a man who talks about future plans........but talk is cheap.  Anyone can talk about the future, but someone you just met and barely's best to take that kind of talk with a grain of salt.  When you first meet a man, it's highly unlikely he'll immediately be making plans for the future.  Instead of listening to the words, pay attention to the actions.......that will tell you a lot more than what he says.

But again, if you see or hear from him again, simply tell him the truth.  You felt things changed, and you want to know if and why things changed.  He is the only one who can tell you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2013
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 7:40pm

Talk to him about it.  That's the answer to 99% of the questions on here.