Men seem to want to date younger women??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2008
Men seem to want to date younger women??
19
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 4:34pm

I am newly divorced and dating again at 42. My issue is that all the guys I meet don't want to date 40 somethings. So

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 10:10am

My best friend from high school days got married to a guy who is 26 yrs older than her. At the time they got married, she was 23 so he was 49. They did end up having 2 kids. (They got divorced, but were married a long time and age wasn't really the factor.) I think he was pretty young for his age, kept physically fit, he had taught karate, so I don't think it mattered that much to the kids. Even now, he's 77 and he drives a Cobra mustang which the kids (2 boys, ages 19 & 22) think is just great, he does some part time work, gets around a lot. But then I think that he was about the age that my grandparents were when I was born. lol

The last time I was single, I was in my early 40's. Now I work as a lawyer, definitely a male dominated profession, but I never met anyone through work. It seemed like all the nice guys were married. The first 3 yrs after my divorce, I didn't have one date. At first I wasn't looking, then when I looked, there was noone around, which is why I started the internet dating, but then ironically I met my STBX in person at a Parents w/o Partners Meeting. But you never know where you will meet someone. My uncle was widowed so I guess he was in his 70's and he met his 2nd wife at the hospital where they volunteered in Fla. Now the funny thing was that when they were married (she was also a widow), they were both volunteering there w/ their spouses, but they had never met before. So I guess I'll have to wait til I'm on the senior citizen circuit. lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 12:35pm

Hello, I'm 35 years old and dating a 49 year old man since May. We have a lot in common but to me things aren't just the same now. I am wondering if I should continue with him or just let him go. He has two older children, and I don't have a problem with that now because I have gotten to know them. But my next concern is to me I am being used like a piece of meat. He tells me that he enjoys my company, and that I am a great mom to my daughter. He tells me that I am a great lover and now in my mind "It's all about the sex. Believe me, its great but that is not all I want. He tells me that he could never love again. Please help me understand. What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 8:28am

He tells me that he could never love again.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 10:43pm

I have been doing OLD for about 6 months, mixed results.

I steer clear of any guy in his 40's who has never been married (I'm 44, ex is 53, so I have an age "range" to work with). Guys who are mid-40's and never been married have, IMHO, issues. Also, I find those guys have little tolerance for the fact that I have teenagers. Second, I try to avoid guys in their 40's without kids. Having kids give you something to talk about, and usually those guys understand when you can't do something because of the kids (plus it makes a great excuse to avoid seeing someone!)

So, that narrows the pool a lot. Then, for me, I weed out those ones who want women in their early 30's for a couple of reasons. One, they want a trophy wife. Two, they want a new family. Three, they are unrealistic and will never be satisfied with a woman their own age.

SO FAR, almost all the guys I have gone out with have been decent conversationalists, nice enough guys. I went out with one for a few months, he was 47 and had no problem with me being 44. BUT he didn't want more kids, and dumb women bored him.

So they are out there. Just got to do a lot of weeding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 8:19am

You sound like you have it together, and know what you're looking for, which is great.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 10:18am

I'm not rejoining the dating game thank goodness - just feel strongly about the topic. Yeeees, it's the famous

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 1:38pm

Have you ever seen the Girls Next Door TV show? My kids showed me that one. Here's Hugh Hefner, who's at least 80, living w/ 3 beautiful young (20's-30's) women. I shudder to think that they might have to have sex w/ him, but I would be he at least tries. Of course, he's rich, why else would a young woman be w/ an elderly gent, and they get publicity, but yucch! Is it a surprise that a couple of them are now leaving him for guys closer to their own age?

I'm 51 and I wouldn't mind dating a younger man, but he can't be too young. I mean, I wouldn't want someone so young that it would be embarrassing to tell people his age, or so that he might end up interested in my pretty 19 yr old dd, so I would guess the youngest would probably be 40. As someone previously said, a younger guy might want kids and since my youngest is 13, I'm not up for that, even by adoption. I'm looking forward to the freedom of having them on their own, not starting over again. When I have to take care of babies again, it will be grandchildren. Other than the kid issue, I think that I wouldn't care that much how young the guy is, but I wouldn't want to date someone that much older than me either. I want someone who's still working full time, since I have to work and someone who's still active and healthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Thu, 10-16-2008 - 4:40pm

yeah, at the beginning I was kind of like, wah wah, no one will like me. All the "interesting" guys I emailed never replied, even the ones who claim to answer all emails (I guess you can tell a lot about that kind of guy...though to be perfectly honest, I only emailed some to see if they REALLY emailed back...I wasn't all that interested!). Then I set my targets to be more specific and so far I am having better results and am much happier with the process.

It is like a little game for me. I check out the merchandise after the kids have gone to school and before I go to work. I email someone once a day or so. 75% probably never write back. So I x them and never see them on line again. Problem solved.

The 25% who get back, some are dopes, others are actually pretty nice, but TIME with this age group seems to be the big factor. Between kids, jobs, friends, etc., adding someone new to your life is actually a lot of work. But, these men don't expect me to be at their beck and call, either. I think the older guys looking for the younger women wouldn't be that understanding.

Now, if I can get an actual boyfriend out of this...that would be the icing on the cake.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 12:25pm

Hi Bellatheball,

I can relate to what you re saying that men want younger women more than their age. I think is more because they want to show them off as barbies stating look who I have and a sign of denial that they are not aging. As with most on-line profiles most men want women as young as 18 years old, to me this is pretty grose that a men in his 40's would want an 18 year old. I will not date any man who wants to be with someone 15 years or more young than them because it tell me that are not living with what's reality (that age is not a problem). I would suggest that you do not lie about your age because sooner or late the man will find out and leave you for this; and it will hurt you more in the long run after you have deverlop some likeness and feelings towards the man. This is not the right way to start a relationship by lying whether white/small/big lies because it will then lead to the curiosity of what else is the other person lying/covering. Honesty is always the best policy to earn the trust of the other person. If someone does not want to be with you becaue of your age, they do not deserve you, you deserve better than that. From your post, I don't know how long you have been divorced before you started dating. After I became widowed it too me over two years to start dating again and remember going through the phase of men wanting younger women to show them off and not wanting to date men my age because they wanted to hang out in the clubs for happy hour and did not want the responsbility of taking in someone else's children. I did meet someone who I was enaged to, had to leave the relationship two years ago because he started drinking heavily. He was older than me, most of the men I have date have been older than me and I seem to like older men because they are more stable and responsible with home/work/financial responsbilities. I am widowed work full-time carry out my responsibilities with my children/home/work/finances and that it what I want in a man. I am sure there are men my age and older who can follow through with responsiblities but from the men I have met yet, I gather this more from older men. I went back to church two years ago and since thin the Lord has filled my void of lacking a man or the right man, I know when the timing is right the Lord will allow me a great man. Due to my past relationships I would rather be patient and take my time to meet the right one than settle for a man just to have a man. Also, you need to regain yourself back, learn how to live life being single, enjoy/accept life being single, and experience new things in life before wanting to settle down again. There should be no hurry in meeting a man. It's interesting because one of my co-worker was telling me yesterday she was blaming the young girls for interferring in the men we can meet. I looked at her and nodded my head, not wanting to say anything because I totally disagreed with her statement because she was being negative, blaming the young girls, and not looking at the whole picture (this gal is very vocal, agressive, loud, will say things as they are and doesn't care who the person is, has three children (not saying because she has three children no one wants her) - just giving examples of things we all would look for in a potential date/relationship - I would say her very strong personality could be a turnoff for men, I could be wrong). We need to be positive and their are so many other issues that come into play when it comes to dating (age, personality, looks, existing children, and the list goes on and on - it's not just about age).

Anna


Anna

 

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