Much Ado Over a Tortilla!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Much Ado Over a Tortilla!
Tue, 11-26-2013 - 8:59pm

Maybe I'm not on the best board for this, but my beef is sort of a dating issue.  I have a male travel buddy---we once were romantic, but when I saw he wasn't interested in marriage, I said I was only interested in friendship and travel.  I was surprised he still keeps in regular touch with me.  We actually travel quite well together, staying at really nice timeshares I own and trade, and we sleep separately.  We've been doing this for about a decade as I myself lost interest in getting married or finding someone at my age (we're both in our 50s).  Too many guys with ugly problems! I pay the yearly timeshare maintenance fees and he covers the gasoline, car rental and meals which are sometimes in restaurants, sometimes in the timeshares which have well equipped kitchens.  

Tonight in Sedona we decided to have a Mexican meal and sat down at the nearest Mexican restaurant, but then saw the menu was about twice the typical price.  We went ahead and ordered, he a fajita plate and I a cheese enchilada combo.  When the food came, the waiter also brought a closed-cover container of flour tortillas.  I tore about a third off one tortilla to scoop my meal.  I think there were three tortillas en total, possibly two.  Then he had one and ordered more tortillas.  When they arrived a bit later, I started to reach for the lid and he put his finger on it and said, "No, this is for my dinner."  I guess he was right that the flour tortillas came with the fajita, but it just rubbed me the wrong way.  "What an oinker," I said with a smile.  "What?" he asked. "What an oinker." I repeated.  

Our talk was less, then later the bill came.  I took it from the waiter.  He insisted on paying and I said no.  I said I had to go to the bathroom and so I left with the bill and paid for it.  

He didn't talk all the way back to the timeshare.  I might add he had a couple beers at a saloon just before coming and I think he otherwise might not have territorialized the tortillas.  The bill was indeed expensive, $50, partly because he had another beer, plus the extra order of the tortillas.  

I paid for it because I hate feeling like a burden.   I didn't want him leaving thinking he paid for my meal at this expensive place, and I ate part of his.  

BTW, just last night we ate at a place where I ordered a twice baked potato and he told me he didn't know what that was.  When it arrived, I gave him a piece of mine and when I saw that he liked it, I gave him more.  I always share my snacks with him as well.  

Maybe there's a basic value difference here.  I love to share and he's territorial, I guess.   (I had an otherwise nice cat like that too...just couldn't walk near him while eating or he'd growl!)

One last thing, he makes pretty good money (at least 100K is my guess) and just told me yesterday he finished paying off all his debts.  I'm on a school teacher's salary, and he knows I end up spending a LOT on everything from basic classroom supplies to props for school plays (the families are very poor where I teach), plus I still have debt to pay off from when I went back to school after my husband died to get state credentialed and two other expensive certifications.  (BTW, I would like to sell those timeshares, but the resale market is virtually nil, and the travel enhances my teaching a great deal.)  In other words, I don't think another order of tortillas would break him.

So what do you make of this tortilla thing?  Was he a jerk about the tortillas or was I the oinker?   Would you continue to book travel with someone like that?  This and a few other minor things are making me think I need to find a better travel partner, but everyone else I know is married or busy with kids, too broke, or doesn't have the travel time that I have as a teacher.  Finding a good travel partner--someone with similar interests, someone who doesn't dominate or complain a lot, etc., is almost as hard as finding a spouse!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-26-2013 - 9:44pm

I think if you generally get along I'd give him a pass on this one.  I don't like people who seem kind of cheap & penny pinching either esp. if you know they make a good salary, but if your alternative is to go on trips alone, then would you enjoy that?  Do you have anyone else you could go with?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2013
Tue, 11-26-2013 - 10:03pm

That's so bizarre.  I'd probably tell him that it really bothered you that he did that.  Don't make a huge deal out of it, but just ask him for clarification, letting him know that if it bothered him you wanted to apologize and move on.  It's so hard to find a decent travel partner, though, so if that's your only issue, I wouldn't dwell on it anymore.  But for me, I'd want to put it out there just to find out what the deal is with him.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 11-26-2013 - 11:43pm

You are acting as tho this guy has a RELATIONSHIP with you.  He does NOT.  Think of him as a co-worker, or someone you know from church or the gym.  Do not eat food he has ordered.  Do not feed him your food. Do not pay for his food.  Do not let him pay for yours.  You pay your part; he pays his.  Remember, you are the one with the albatross around your neck.   You have to pay for the timeshares whether you get to use them or not.  He doesn't.  Keep everything on a business level, and hopefully he will continue to travel with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Wed, 11-27-2013 - 2:52am

I would probably ignore it. If you spend enough time with somebody, eventually they are going to do something that annoys you. If you have traveled with him 10 or more times and this is the worst thing that's happened then you're lucky. Like you said, its hard to find a good travel companion, or others who have the same flexibility to travel when you can.

If you feel like you need to clear the air, then apologize for helping yourself to his tortillas and explain that you didn't realize that they were part of his meal, you thought they were like a basket of bread intended for the entire table.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 11-27-2013 - 9:03pm

You are the one who do much over a tortilla.

If he order extra tortillas for himself for later, it's OK to let you know that. besides you already have tortillas. If yo want more, then get another plate.

He sounds like a good person. If you enjoy his company and he's fair over the arrangement, then it's Ok to continue.