Need Advice the "L" word

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Need Advice the "L" word
7
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 12:09pm

Hi everyone,

This board has answered a lot of questions for me. I haven't posted on this one yet but something happened over the weekend and this morning that has me scared. A little history I was in a LTR (5 yrs) that ended in January. He ended it and it hurt but after several months of reading, journalling and being with friends and family I decided to try OLD and met a wonderful man just a month ago. My ex NEVER in the 5 yrs we were together ever said I Love You to me. Well, Saturday night I was out with my new guy and he told me he thought he was falling in love with me. That was okay but we haven't even had sex yet. I want to take it slow and he knows this. Well this morning I get an email from him and he signed it Love. It just kind of freaked me. I really like him a lot but I don't know if I love him yet. He is very open and a very caring man. I just don't know how to respond to his email. Should I reply and sign it Love or ignore the word until I'm ready?

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Rosesared

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 11:26pm

I would ignore "the word" until you're ready :-)


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 10:06am

Karen,

Thank you so much for your advice. I really needed some input and I knew I had to email him back so I called my girlfriend and she told me the exact same thing "ignore it", but your additional suggestions are great. I've already thought of one myself, "rose petal kisses to you".

Thanks again.

Rosesared

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 1:52am
Ohhhhhhhhh I have dated enough men from online world to feel really confident about what I am about to write.
First of all, many men want sex so soon after meeting a woman. They will often say and do the "right" things just to melt us. A man will love a woman - genuinely love a woman - only after time has gone by. Let's face it, many men are not in a rush to exclusively date, so beware. That guy you're talking about is probably lusting after you. You may be really pretty and kind, and that's all the more reason why you should be cautious of fast men. Go slow and steady. Let no one rush you.
Oh yeah, many men are not programmed to be as verbal as we are. Most are socialized differently than we are. There are exceptions though ( my brother is one of these guys - he can actually tell his girl "I love you" and mean it --- whatta guy!) If a guy hardly tells me he loves me, yet he consistently shows that he does with his actions, then that's wonderful. Love is a verb. I heard guys tell a woman they love her yet their actions don't match their words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 1:10pm

Spagirlm,

Thank you for your input. Very insightful. I had a talk with my guy (in person) and we talked about the "L" word. He admitted he thought I might get scared. I told him I was and also told him I had posted on this board and he could look up what I wrote. He agreed he doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable about anything. I also told him about my ex and how he never ever uttered the three little words. So, things are moving slowly and we are learning about each other and just having fun together! So far it's wonderful!!

Thanks again.
Rosesared

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 1:18pm
I think it's great that you two are able to talk about this. Anything wonderful and precious is worth cultivating. Time, honesty and respect will surely be essential in making the beginning of a relationship more solid.
Good luck to you and your friend :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 1:38pm

I found this somewhere on the net. When I feel inside what the last four lines say, I know I will be ready to say the words. Until then, slow and steady.

Saying
I Love You

Three simple words...
but they carry so much
meaning and happiness.

I Love You

And with that comes
all my trust and faith
and belief in who you are.

I Love You

Saying those words
gives my heart wings
and sets my soul
smiling.

I Love You

And because of that,
my footsteps are lighter,
my laughter more
frequent,
my smile much brighter

because of three
simple words.

I Love You

You who are
My friend,
My heart,
My soul's companion

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 2:09pm
Wow...I like that poem. Very good!