Need help! 1st time dater...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Need help! 1st time dater...
6
Thu, 05-14-2009 - 4:49pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 9:47am

Hi tracee


When a man says he is not ready for a relationship believe him.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2008
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 11:12am

Hi Tracee,


If he stated his relationship goals from the start, than believe him.

cassi st james 

Relationship Coach for Single Women

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 11:03pm

You're not being paranoid at all...if you are interested in more than a fun dating/companionship type relationship, then he's not right for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 6:50pm

kristin,


i understand your concern in regards to my ex..but i am very sure at this point that there is no going back. i have made my decision to end that relationship and that's whats best for me and the kids. i can no longer submit myself to the abuse and infidelity.


in regards to wether we are sexually active or not..the answer would be no, we just hang out and do different things..he's just so relaxing to be around...i feel safe and comfortable..i'm not saying i'm going to go off and marry the guy..i just like to hang out with him. we have alot of the same interests and it's just nice..that's all.


i was basically just asking how often is too often? i don't want to over do it..i like the idea of it being casual...i guess i'm just trying to feel things out..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 8:57pm

I'm glad there were other, wise and balanced responses to your question here because, well, I was about to say I'm sicksicksick of guys who don't know what they want. Can you guess here that I'm moving on from the guy I've been dating for about six weeks? I'm not getting what I want either. (The no sex thing is a good thing it turns out, cuz girls lose their brains when they do *it* ...kidding. It's a twisting of what Holden Caufield says in Catcher in the Rye)

You were right in asking him a *hard* question. And he answered honestly. I'd say that his actions speak, too. If he's not making moves, he sounds like a man with integrity.

As far as this goes:

"i was basically just asking how often is too often? i don't want to over do it..i like the idea of it being casual...i guess i'm just trying to feel things out.."

I think you need to listen to him and believe him. By spending all this time with him, you're getting emotionally involved with a man who isn't giving you what you want. So you may want to keep the contact minimal and casual.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 4:26am

thanks :)


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