Need your thoughts on making out with a guy I just met!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2012
Need your thoughts on making out with a guy I just met!
3
Mon, 06-17-2013 - 9:34pm

Hey! I posted this question on "Ask the Dating Expert" board, but didn't get any responses, so I thought I'd try here. So I apologize in advance if this is redundant. I'll see if I can go back and delete that thread somehow.

So I went out with a guy last night - we'd met up once before (after talking on a dating website for a while - during which time we found out we had some mutual real life friends as well). We are in our mid to late 20s. Yesterday he formally asked me out and we had a great dinner - we talked about serious issues and what we want out of a relationship etc. We were on the same page - basically just getting out of a previous relationship. I'm not sure if I'm interested in a long term relationship with him, but I do find him very attractive. So I figured I might as well see where things go.

At the end of the date, we went for a walk, and he made some moves on me, and we started making out - while making out, it got a little hot and heavy, but I made sure we just stuck to first base - but I noticed that a couple of times, he grabbed my throat (he wasn't trying to hurt me, but just placed his hand there with very slight pressure). I found that incredibly sexy (I love it when a guy takes control), but I didn't encourage him just because I thought it was a little weird that he got that comfortable with me on date #2 especially since the date itself wasn't a heavily flirty kind of date (and we weren't drunk either - just had a couple of drinks).

My question is - is this accepted behavior from men? I mean guys acting in control - do majority of the guys do that by instict, thinking all women like being controlled? Personally, no guy I've gone out with has been aggressive by default as soon as we've met. I'm just curious why he would've done that without even asking me if that was something I was into. Nobody brings out their fantasies the first time they are making out with someone - especially since neither of us were obliterated! lol

I'm not dwelling too much on this. I just thought I would see what other people thought about this. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013

This is a giant red flag. Agressive sexuality is okay after a couple is established and they both agree that they like this behavior. He doesn't even know you and had the gall to grasp your neck firmly. This means he doesn't care about what you would think/feel. He's not considerate. It's a sign that whatever he wants is more important. He was probably testing you to see what you would do/not do. Believe me, it will escalate. Since you're questioning it, your gut feeling is telling you something isn't right. Always trust your gut. I wouldn't go on another date with. He sounds dangerous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

No I don't think that most guys act like this, in fact I think hardly any guys would act like this on basically a first real date.  If it were me, if I was kissing a guy and he put his hand on my throat and it made me uncomfortable, then I would at first just move his hand away and if he did it again, then I would tell him not to do that.  If he didn't seem embarrassed about doing something I didn't like, then I'd probably end the date cause it would make me nervous that he was too agressive.  However, if you didn't complain about it and seemed to like it, then why wouldn't he continue doing it?  It just seems to me that so many young women (I'm middle aged) today don't know how to say no and express their needs.  I'm going off on a tangent here, but I've read so many stories of women who say that "one thing led to another and we ended up going all the way" and then they don't even know if the man likes them--hey, it's not like you have no control over what happens--how about saying "No, I'm not ready to do that."  Ok, soapbox is over.  But to answer your question, I'm pretty sure that most men don't think that women like to be controlled.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2012

thank you :) He was wanting to take it further, but I said no, and we left that night. But thanks for the feedback!