Never been single in "the real world"
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| Sun, 12-07-2008 - 7:27pm |
Weird title I know, but wasn't sure how to describe my situation and ask for advice.
I've recently come out of a long relationship which stretched from college to over a year out of school. Now that I'm on my own, I'm wondering where and how I'll meet the next guy.
I feel like it was so easy to meet people in school...it's a safe environment, it's easy to start up conversations because you already know that you have that school environment in common..."what's your major? where do you dorm? did you hear about that stupid kid who...?"
I think that "safe environment" factor was huge for me. I was able to get to know people and take my time before becoming close friends (or in my ex's case, before jumping into a relationship).
My question is, how do you meet people in the real world? There are lots of friendly people at my job, but I don't intend on ever mixing work with romance (it seems dangerous and scary). I know I'm quite young so the whole bar/club scene is an option, but I'm not a random hook-up kind of girl. I prefer places where I can hear what people are saying, haha.
I'll be taking a class spring semester and hope to meet some nice people. I'm not hunting for dates because I'm still getting over my break-up, but if I go on one eventually, that would be nice. I've never actually dated in the traditional sense (my ex and I hung out and went out before we got together...but it never felt like "dating" because we were friends first), so I may be freaked out when it happens...
My college friends are either paired up with one another, or friends with people I'm not interested in, so I don't think they'll be the source of my next great love...I guess I need to learn how to go fishing?

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Thanks for your response. Yes I agree, taking up activities I want to do is more important right now, especially since I'm still getting over the break-up. I want to be 110% before I get into a new relationship.
I suppose my issue is that I've never been in the dating scene, so I don't know what to expect or truly how "risky" it can be? Ideally I would meet someone in a friendly warm environment and not in a "I'm prowling for fresh meat" kind of environment, know what I mean? I'm a New Yorker, so I guess I have these stereotypes of one-track mind (I just want to party) kind of guys ingrained in my brain, and they freak me out.
Some friends tell me that if I were to move out west, the situation would be reversed, that nice guys are aplenty but there aren't many quality girls. I find this hard to believe, but who knows? haha
I am in a similar situation. Met my husband at 17, got married at 19, divorced two years ago at 33.
Hi pinkgemini, Your statement really resonated with me.
Angelgirl, have you found yourself becoming cynical and closed off towards men because of your disappointments? I know I have. I absolutely love men and would love to find one but I've become so weary it's hard to find the strength
Do you remember your first dips into the pool (or back into the pool) and have any tips on gals afraid of swimming?
=)
Thanks!
Hi, I'm 51 and just going through my 2nd divorce and believe me, I wish I was in my 20's since the opportunities for meeting people are just so much more than for middle aged people. First of all, the majority of people in their 20's are likely to be single. How many men in their 50's or even 40's haven't been married yet, and if not, doesn't that in turn make them kind of strange? lol So it's a catch-22.
I think you should just be open to possibilities. I do think that the typical ways of taking a class, joining a club, participating in a sport, are the most usual ways to meet guys. And don't totally discount the bar scene. I know you have to be careful and you don't want to do anything stupid like going home w/ someone who is drunk or who you don't know, but when I was young, I met a guy in a bar and ended up dating him for over a year. You can easily weed out the people who are only out for sex by waiting til you get to know someone before sleeping w/ them.
And you never know what kind of weird ways you can meet someone. I met my 1st DH because I was looking for a new roommate. I had an ad in the paper that said I was looking for a female roommate and he answered it. I had him over to look at the apt. and interviewed him. When he called back, I told him I wasn't comfortable w/ living w/ a guy who I didn't really know, so he said "OK, how about a date?" I wasn't at all thinking about meeting a boyfriend when I met him.
Thanks for the advice and perspective musiclover. I actually will be taking a class this upcoming spring semester and am trying to sign up for more and more activities. I'm not going into these things with the "I'm looking for men" attitude. I'm much more interested in making a few new friends in the near future than dating, but it would be nice if I met a nice guy somewhere along the way.
I'm still freaked out by the idea of dating in the traditional sense. I've actually never been on what I define as a "first date": dinner with a person you don't really know at all. Is it like a job interview with cocktails? Is it really awkward some huge percentage of the time?
My ex and I became friends and a few months later fell into a relationship. I was in college at the time, and how we got together felt like the natural way to do it. I like to get to know guys before "dating" I suppose.
Now that I'm out of school, I guess I'm just concerned that the opportunities to get to know guys in a "safe" environment may dwindle if I'm not proactive about it. I'm sure this is my single girl jitters talking...hopefully once I go on a date or two I'll calm down about it, and convince myself that not all men are gonna be sketchy and/or creepy. =)
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Touche!!
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