New guy spooked himself, need guidance!
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| Tue, 09-16-2008 - 6:34pm |
Ok, I had been going through a rough time, and upon confiding these things to a male friend from HS over IM, who I had kept in contact with but hadn't seen in about 7 years, he first was very supportive and leant an ear, and then at the end of the conversation when I thanked him, he told me he'd always found me attractive... suprise, surprise!
The next day he asked me for my number, and called me to talk every night thereafter for anywhere from 2-5 hours a night for about a month. He did all of the calling, and I would text him a bit during the day. I flew out to visit him last week and had a great time. He was super affectionate, hugged and kissed me, very respectful, no pressure to be physical at all, but at the same time made it very clear he liked me alot.
While I was there he told me he thought he had really "found someone", and that he wanted things to be "good between us" before anything physical happened, that he thought it would be messed up if I dated anyone else after this point, that I was a "keeper", briefly mentioned his plans for the future and felt me out on things like kids, etc. When we went out to dinner he fed me at the table (never done that before!) kissed me, and sat next to me in the booth. He had his arms around my shoulders when we left.All in all, I would describe him as being very aggressive. (in a good way)
Before I left, when he said a couple of times that he thought he had found someone and was smiling at me, I said, "What do you think about putting a label on it?" And he seemed to not get it, or played dumb. He told me to call him after I landed, which I did, but we spoke briefly, and he said he'd call later. I flew home last Wednesday, and we've only spoken on the phone twice since then, again only briefly, and not since Thursday or Friday of last week.
Over text on Sunday night I got him to tell me that he thought I came on pretty stong hinting at a serious relationship and that it freaked him out. He thought I was too attached, which was a problem with his ex and scared him. I tried to straighten it out and reassure him, which I thought I had, but he still hastn' called.
He did say he still wanted to keep going, but that he was hiding from me a little.
Thoughts anyone? I guess he just spooked himself? How much space should I give him?
We texted a little last night, and I sent him one message this morning, which he didn't answer, but he is at work and didn't always respond right away, although he did yesterday.

Talk about sending mixed messages! Maybe rosewater is right... he had time to think about it. I'd be keeping my distance until he figures out what he wants. I kinda wonder though why he was so aggressive if he wasn't sure? Now I'm getting confused! lol Sorry -- long day at work. Anyway, I'd be careful of getting my feelings hurt around a wishy-washy guy like that.
Purchase the book "Men Who Can't Love" you can buy it on Amazon.com for $1.00 or Ebay. This is the best investment for me. In many ways reading your post has answered some questions I had about my relationship. Many of these men come on strong in the beginning, pursuing you and telling you how much they like you and want to be apart of your life. Surprise, many of them also go for long distance relationships because they need space (forever) and don't really see it to be realistic you will ever be together. Most women who actually move to be with the Commitment Phobic type of men, have found that when they moved everything changed and the relationship either did not work out, or they never made it to the move in stage (meaning the guy changed his mind at the last minute in front of the moving truck.)
I know you miss him, because of the intimacy you shared and it becomes difficult not to want to call, but we think text messages would be the next best thing. Until, you text him and he not text you back immediately, and you find yourself walking around with your cell phone attached to your hip and picking it up every second to see if he responded. It's pure torture and not worth it. As you can tell I have experienced this first hand, and while I am typing this I am talking myself out of contacting someone who obviously wants to go back into his cave. We have to allow them their space to figure things out and maybe they will return. We definitely should not wait. Good luck and take care!