Oh.. the dating game

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2013
Oh.. the dating game
3
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 7:38am

Hi-

Need some advice on this whole dating era and what I should be focusing on/getting rid of.

Im 28years old female that is the last in my cirlce of friends to be married/boyfriend and to have kids. My last serious relationship was an enagagemet yet long distance relationship end cause he walked out over 2 years ago.

Since my last relationship I took some time to heal and have met new guys and have also reunited with old guy friends that we have considered seeing each other every so oftern. Here is my situation.... I met this guy in 2009 (G#1) at a concert and was very attracted to him back then and than some him again this year and we reconnected. We speak every so often and have had couple dates but thats about it. We flirt, we kiss and i have told him that i am interested in him, and i just dont get any feed back from him. I have noticed that if i dont reply to his texts, calles he begins to questions ways to know where im at.... When I respond, he makes himself available to "hang out" . This guy has decent communication skills, has goals, is a work a holic but doesnt really know where to place me in his life, however im extremely attracted to him.

Guy 2 (G#2) I met through a mutual friend. Great guy with a great future, goals, and family oriented. The getting to know each other is still fresh and new that were still testing out the waters. 

Guy (G#3) Well it begin great... then i notice that it was starting to become just a sex hang out so I stopped the communication. Then i restarted it back up and told him that im looking for a commited relationship not a fling. He made effort to hangout outside from the sheets, but all it comes down to is the amazing sex... no communication via text or in person. 

Honestly, im at a point of this dating lifestyle where i just meet this guys get to know them over coffee, dinner, etc.... and that all.. I sometime take them up on the hangout offer because it give me something to do and keeps me busy with them giving me some kind of attention, but the attention im looking for is a relationship. 

Inputs are welcomed!

  • Options
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Thu, 11-21-2013 - 10:01am

The human brain isn't even fully formed until age 24 or 25, so don't beat yourself up about not finding a lifetime partner yet. 50% of marriages end in divorce with people marrying before that age. So what if your friends are all married by now? You shouldn't pressure yourself because of others circumstances. It takes life experience and a maturity to make the best decision possible.

When you're on a date, just focus on enjoying your time together and getting to know each other. Don't project to the future and imagine marrying the guy. He will sense this and be scared away. Guy's 1 & 3 are just not that into you. If they were, they'd make it crystal clear. Avoid workaholics. Work will always be their priority and the people in their lives always come second. I was with one for a year, so I know from experience. Having a high work ethic is totally different and a must-have. You usually have to date a boatload of men before you find the one. After my divorce, I went on dates with about 30 men before finding my future husband (mostly with online dating). These experiences were frustrating, upsetting, and sometimes so disastrous that it's now hilarious. I stuck it out and finally found a great man to spend my life with. Never give up. Keep dating guy 2 and also try meetups.com, co-ed sports teams, volunteer work, home depot or lowes workshops, cooking classes, etc. Spread your net wide to find the catch of the day. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sat, 11-23-2013 - 7:34pm

People find lasting love at different times and at different paces. I am a 50 year old man. I only had my first serious relationship at age 28. My wife and I  got married, the first marriage for both of us, when I was 44 and she was 43. At age 28, you still have time.

As the other poster said, marrying young corelates with a higher divorce rate. When you're older you know more about who you are, what you want, and what you need. You are also less likely to make stupid mistakes with a boyfriend or husband that damage things.

Like the other poster, I'd also advise following through with Guy#2.  Hang in there and be patient.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2013
Tue, 11-26-2013 - 9:48am

Thank you all..