Ok... so I'm terrified of relationships
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| Sat, 02-28-2009 - 1:38am |
I just cannot see myself in a romantic relationhship. I can't. I think I'm not capable of falling in love. And now I have a date. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have a date. A date is ok, I guess. I guess I can do that. But I have a lot of things in common with this guy, what if he wants another date after that? and another date after that? and another date after that? I don't think I'd mind going out again and again. But what if he gets involved? Whoa, I cannot deal with that! I don't get involved.
I think I'm broken. This is my ex-boyfriend's fault. HE broke me. That relationship broke me. Before you say anything about that, we broke up in great terms and it was a decision we made together. It was like two years ago and I've moved on.
Please, do not suggest therapy. I'm 23 and I've done therapy for 18 years (yes, eighteen). I recently quit the last one because honestly, I want to deal with things on my own for a change. I've done enough therapy for this lifetime. Besides I don't wish to spend my money on that.
And back then I've cleared everything I needed about my last relationship. I have moved on, although many of you may say I haven't. My ex and I, we've never even been in love with each other. We enjoyed each other's company and we had a lot of fun together and we really cared about each other, but there was no passion at all. In the end, it was me that pushed to end the relationship. If it were for him maybe we'd still be together because he was comfortable. But I deserve way better than a guy who wasn't in love with me and couldn't say that he loved me in 2.5 years, don't you think?

Hey Mcnatis,
I see where you're coming from. I was in a 5 year relationship with a guy who broke me so badly i hurt the next guy by letting our relationship move too fast when i wasn't ready.
I would say to you now... you are in control. Theres nothing wrong with dating or just having one date with a guy. You are committing to nothing. If you don't feel you want to move the next stage or even see the guy again then thats your decision ;) You can call the shots.
I would say just enjoy finding out what you do like in a guy. And dating is a good way to have fun and get out the house, meet someone new, find out what you like in men and what you don't so you can develop preferences (which helps you filter the wheat from the chaff, as the more you date the more selective you will be and the more better at spotting the guys you will want to see again).
Try changing your perception on dating from 'something that leads to commitment/intimacy or involvement' to something that is 'just for fun and is very casual'. It also doesn't have to be physical. You set the pace and the rules.
If he wants another date and you are happy to date again and again then fine. If he wants more set him straight. You aren't ready and you don't want anything serious right now. Just take it slow as you want. Take one day at time. If you look months ahead yes it will freak you out. Just look at this minute... just deal with now. as you don't even know what will happen in 2, 6, or a year from now. You could meet someone else or the feelings could change. You can't plan that far ahead. If you are having fun in this moment. Go with it. thats all that matters.
The guy i've been dating, who i can now say is my bf... well i did the same to him. I told him it needed to go slow.... and we ended up taking it so slow that its been 5 months and we've only just been intimate. In fact i recall telling him i just wanted to be friends lol. He didn't push me like the others and he respected the pace i wanted. So maybe you also have to be with a guy who will respect you enough to wait until you're ready.
Fashionably Wiser... One Pearl at a Time
http://thelifestyleartist.blogspot.com/
Fashionably Wiser... One Pearl at a Time
http://thelifestyleartist.blogspot.com/
"The guy i've been dating, who i can now say is my bf... well i did the same to him. I told him it needed to go slow.... and we ended up taking it so slow that its been 5 months and we've only just been intimate. In fact i recall telling him i just wanted to be friends lol."
This is interesting. Let me ask you: were you not sexually attracted for five months? How often did you get together with him? If you were sexually attracted, how is it that you were able to wait so long? I ask because I've dated a guy recently about 4 times: I like him, but I've felt very on and off attracted to him. I always felt like if it didn't happen right away (whether you acted upon it or not) it would not develop.
Hey floridagirl52...
i was very and still am attracted to him. The physical chemistry is amazing. It took a lot of effort on my part to hold back. I follow the rule: let him lead emotionally and you lead physically. Also to develop emotional and mental connection between us we both needed time spent together (good shared emotions) to fill up our relationship value cup. i'm not willing to sleep with someone until we had that connection. We did kiss from day one... and i think that was indeed something to remind us how compatible we would be physically as his kisses are out of this world ;) We used to meet about once a week at least so you could say it was only about 20-30 dates or days together...
Hmmm... this guy you're seeing now. Have you kissed him yet? Maybe that could tell you how you will feel. I didn't know how attracted i would be to this guy i'm seeing until we kissed, but that was on the first date so... ;)
Fashionably Wiser... One Pearl at a Time
http://thelifestyleartist.blogspot.com/
Fashionably Wiser... One Pearl at a Time
http://thelifestyleartist.blogspot.com/