Planning ahead without planning ahead

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Planning ahead without planning ahead
5
Sat, 04-04-2009 - 12:04am

I'm in the very early stages of dating a guy. (I am 54; he is 57.) I do not know if it is going to last until next month, though I kind of hope it will. But if we are still dating a month from now, I would like to invite him to a theatrical performance that I very much want to attend. (If I am not dating him in a month, I will invite a friend. In other words, I intend to go whether he escorts me or not.)

Here is the (small) dilemma: I have to buy the tickets now. If I weren't dating/hoping to still be dating this guy in a month, I would start asking friends if they were interested and when I had a friend who said she wanted to go with me, we'd pick the date together.

How should I handle it with this guy?

It would really be easier if I could just ask him flat out if he would like to attend this thing a month from now. But I am worried that it will seem like I am planning too much too far ahead.

On the other hand, if I go ahead and buy the tickets without checking with anyone about what are good dates, I may find myself with no one free to go with me on the date I pick.

I've thought of explaining the situation to a good friend and asking her if she is willing to be my "backup" companion if the guy and I have stopped dating and there is no one else in the picture. But that seems sort of tacky.

What do you all think? Should I just make plans to go with a friend and forget about how much more I would enjoy the show if I were escorted by a man I find attractive? Is there any way I can invite him now (and get his feedback about dates) without seeming to be planning too far ahead?

Dab

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-04-2009 - 1:43am

Oh, I get tickets for things all the time and ask friends to go at the last minute if I don't end up having a date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Sat, 04-04-2009 - 7:53pm

I'm not good at going to things by myself. I'm usually good at getting a friend to go with me, but that's a lot of planning. Unfortunately, I don't have any male friends I could invite, only female friends. (The few men I am "platonically" friends with, are all married or attached to someone else.)

You're probably right that I should wait until the date is closer and it is clear that I want (or don't want) to go with this particular guy. I wish I weren't so impatient.

Dab

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 04-04-2009 - 9:23pm
If I were one of your female friends, I wouldn't want to be told I was the "backup plan" esp. if the play was something I wanted to see. I think it's ok to get the tickets now and if he says no, then you will still have a couple of weeks to ask one of your friends, but don't tell them you are only asking them because the guy couldn't go.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 04-05-2009 - 5:19pm
I think you should just make plans with a friend. If you are with this guy a month from now, the fact that you have a life away from him might make you seem more attractive, ya know? I know you'd really prefer to go with him. And of course, you can just go ahead and get the tickets and wait about a week to see how things are going. But I know at the beginning, it can just be too tricky---you don't want to scare him off with long-range plans.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 1:38am

I not only don't want to scare him off, I don't want to commit to going out with him a month from now if things are not going well.

Making plans with a friend would make sense, but on the other hand, it's the sort of thing that I would enjoy more with a date. (I go to a lot of theater and concerts with female friends, but this particular show is more a "date" sort of thing.)

I guess the other option is to wait on getting tickets until the date is closer even though I risk the show being sold out (or all the good tickets being sold out).

BTW if I were to ask a friend to be "back up," I would pick a friend who I know isn't terribly interested in this particular type of show who would only be going to keep me company. And I would, of course, pay for both tickets. Once in a while a friend has asked me to be her back up companion-- to plan to go with her to a concert if her husband was out of town, for instance-- but I've always felt a little "extra," so I hesitate to do it myself.