Please advise ASAP
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| Wed, 05-21-2008 - 9:33am |
Ok forget about that guy that I wanted to approach at his workplace for the minute... I havent had the courage to go back there yet!
Basically coming from an Indian family (Im British Asian) my parents have asked me if I'm open to the idea of them 'arranging' a few dates - i can see how it goes and take it from there.
Well the other week I was shown a pic of a guy via email, so i got a friend of mine to email my pic back to him - didnt email it myself as i didnt want to give my add to him just yet. We both decided we'd meet and the family has decided to do a dinner this saturday.
The thing ive just found out - due to my researching on facebook.. is that his sister has my ex from 6 years ago and his sister on her fb friends list! (The guy himself isnt actually on fb).
I don't mind telling a guy about my skeletons in my closet as long as its on my own terms that I tell him, when I feel comfortable enough to do it. However this has just showed me that they might be good family friends with my exs family. Or even worse, related?!!!!
Im really worried as my parents dont have a clue about my history and i dont want it all spilling everywhere now. I really did not think that my history would come back and bite me in the a**
My concerns are basically this. Me and my ex split up on bad terms, he was REALLY REALLY hurt when I split with him and just couldnt take it. It took him a while to come to terms with it (and it was only 3 months..?!) When I say bad terms, i mean I didnt even do anything wrong but at the time he played the victim to everybody and made me look like a b*tch.
I'm afraid the guy I meet on sat might bring this up if he knows, and if he doesnt do I tell him before my ex gets to him first?
Friends have told me that if this guy doesnt want to get to know me due to my past and esp an ex from 6 years ago then he isnt worth the trouble. But I think this will honestly be a huge blow to me ... esp when u take so long to let go of ur past and work so hard to move forward. Especially when ive finally got the courage to meet people again :(

I totally agree with your friends. If he decided against getting to know you because of anything anyone else might say about you and your past, then he isn't worth your time.
Everybody has a past and everybody has the same basic fears about their pasts. Wait until you meet this guy, get to know him and the decide what you want to disclose about your past and when.
As far as being friends on facebook.....I have about 50 FB friends and I only actually know about 20 of them. A lot of them are online friends only, that very well could be the case with this guy and your ex. I have a lot of mutual online friends with my daughter, to an observer it looks like my daughter and I must be close friends with these people when in reality we don't even know them.
Good luck with your dinner plans....let us know how it goes.
Thanks so much for your reply,
Well its a bit later since the whole situation came and was other with. My sister found a way to get access to pics of a family event of this guy... and my ex was also in the pics. Thats what helped me make my decision to say No on getting to know him further.
I did have to go through that whole meeting and was so damn nervous. I wasn't thinking of n e thing to ask him apart from the face that he may be related to my ex. When he and his family went home they rang my aunts house to say they are interested (this whole arranged thing sounds so odd the way it works... makes me think how on earth am i putting myself through this!!)
But a week later I got my aunt to ring em to tell them I wasn't interested. The thing is, I don't know if I made a really big mistake. I don't know if I should have just been honest about it with the guy and asked him out direct if he knew my ex well.. or what :S
But then I think back to how scared I was even though I hadnt done n e thing wrong with my ex (the way I sound is like I tried to kill him!) its just that he's such a d*ck, he would try and ruin everything with this guy had it even started.
I guess I feel a little sad that I couldn't get to know this person further just cos of a blast from the past!
Moving on now I guess!
xx