please help- going crazy over this!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
please help- going crazy over this!!
2
Sat, 04-11-2009 - 4:29pm
Ive been dating my guy for 3 months-were taking it slow and I love how everything is going....
The only problem I had...we didnt have the "status talk"- are you sleeping and seeing other people..
Ive been very emotional due to my new birth control and its making me nuts!!!
I lost it Friday! I know I shouldve waited to calm down but I broke down and said "IM GOING TO BACK OFF OF U A BIT AND SLOW THINGS DOWN...THAN WENT INTO WHERE DO WE STAND"-
When really I keep asking myself why did I start that way and say I wanna slow things down- I dont- I got nervous and just wanted to know were he stood"!! Im sooo upset at myself and I really put a damper on this relationship.
He said I will back off and I said no I didnt mean it that way...so yesterday and today he has been VERY COLD TO ME- very quick with me and Im trying to cal him- reassure him but hes making me so upset the way he is being and I just want him to be the way things were.....I know hes hurt and I dont knwo what to do??
Do I call him...let him be?
I hope I didnt ruin things between us and I would do anything to turn back time....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2009
Sat, 04-11-2009 - 6:47pm

Stop driving yourself crazy over this and let him have his space. He is probably in his cave right now trying to figure things out because he was hurt. Next time you start to feel emotional about something stop and think before you speak. Turn things around and ask yourself how you would react if he said the same to you. Then sleep on it before you say anything. Most likely you will wake up relieved that you waited and thought things through before talking to him.

Don't beat yourself up. We all get emotional at times when we are in love with someone. It happens. The trick is to not have an emotional discussion when you are feeling overly sensitive. It keeps you from saying things that you will regret later. When I feel emotional, I sleep on it first before saying anything. Try writing an email about how you are feeling and save it to draft, but DO NOT SEND. Then read it in the morning and DELETE. This allows you to get your feelings out without causing any harm to your relationship.

Again, don't worry, I've done this myself and learned the hard way. I am sure others here have been there too.

Good luck to you and I hope it works out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Sun, 04-12-2009 - 7:37am
I agree with clickinit. And yes, your emotions could be due to hormonal imbalances but don't always blame it to your hormones.. Women sometimes unawarely drive men away by acting a li'l melodramatic or too emotional. It's important to keep your emotions in check specially during first three to six months of dating or wait until you're both really committed. Men are not wired to understand women's unpredictable emotional or mood changes and they're not oblige to keep up with it. During the first few months of dating, men tend to observe women's behavior whether this "used to be awesome cool girl" he's dating turns into a monster whose clingy, needy, drama queen, and desperate. And women tend to be more clingy whenever they start sensing their guy pulling away from the relationship. And experts confirmed that the more you beg him to stay or the more you end up desperately calling him, the more he'll run away. Men likes the thrill of the chase. In your case, what's done is done. The least thing you do is to chill, give him and your self personal space by not calling him or do something that might aggravate the situation. Settle down and think objectively. Never beg him to stay. You already told him you didn't mean to hurt him and that's enough. Give him time to absorb whatever is going on between the two of you. And if he chose to stay, he will come after you..if not, cut your loses, move on and learn from your mistakes. Its not easy being a woman. I myself been in such complicated emotional fluctuations and it did affect my previous relationship. And now, I'm better, I've got more great offers from great guys.. =)