Re-entering the Dating Scene-Help??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Re-entering the Dating Scene-Help??
6
Tue, 10-28-2008 - 10:59pm
Hi Everyone, I had a lunch date today with a man I met near work. Lunch went well, I enjoyed myself. My question and concern is that he was very nervous and felt intimated by me, he said it was because of how I present myself and how I dress. I dress nice all the time, somewhat on the shy side, it's hard for me to talk to men, especially those I find attractive to because I get nervour and my words don't come out right. Normally when I have gone out on a date if have always been very nervous and for some reason this time I was not at all. It's kind of funny, not in a mean way, that he was the one who was nervous. I have not been on a date where a man was very nervous, I would say this man could not hide it well. It's funny because we laughed about it and teased each other about wearing tennis shoes to run. My question is that he will email me to communicate with me, he finally approached me last Tuesday, gave me his business card telling me to eamil him, which I did and in a nice manner told him I could not correspond on personal business through my work email address, so he called me immediately to set up a time for me to go over to his office for a building tour. The reason I did not want him emailing me at work about getting together is because I don't want my supervisor or management seeing that he or myself is trying to set up a date, to me that's unprofessional. Since then the only contact he has given me is through email and twice a day. It's is interesting how he has not called me on my cell to chat, is this normal, I find it strange. I would like to get to know him but not via computer, I want to get to know him via telephone and of course in person. I could use all your suggestions and ideas on why he has not called me on my phone to talk because I would like to talk to him on the phone. He just email me stating he wanted to get together with me after work to talk. I responded talking to him on other things but I am not going to set up a time to meet him to talk, he can call me on my phone to set this one up. This is my first date in two years from ending my last relationship of 2.5 years.

Anna


Anna

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 12:41am

I don't mean to sound harsh but you might be missing out on a good guy just because you are so hung up on him calling you.


I personally H A T E to talk on the phone. Unless it's my daughter, who I talk to everyday, I avoid the phone like the plague. I'm 47 and when I make plans with my siblings, my friends, my cousins, 90% of it is now done through emails.


If you like this guy, cut him a break and make plans via email and talk to him in person. I'd rather make a date through email to see a guy in person than to talk to him on the phone but never get any face to face time.


I hope this helps. Let us know how things are going.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 1:07am
Hi Cl-fastlaney, Thanks for your reply. I would like to get to know him and will continue emailing him. I would like to get to know him on the phone also and thought maybe it was a red flag because he's busy (maybe someone else) to where he can't talk on the phone. No, I am not going to let him go, of course I am giving him a chance because I will only know if he will be a good man is by allowing time and getting to know him. There are several qualities that I am looking for in a man and some of those qualities he has are respectful, believes in God, employed, in shape which means he takes care of himself, a father which means that he knows how to raise children, dresses very nice which I like men who dress up, nice smile, my age, non-smoker, and casual drinker. I am excited about him and looking forward to getting to know him better and see what develops. I will keep you all posted.

Anna


Anna

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 5:06am
As what you quoted in your post about how he feel nervous and seem intimidated by you, this may explain why he can't call you thru phone. Some guys really not so much into phone calls as it makes them wonder how to start the convo with a girl they find attractive. While emailing will make it easier for them to express what they wanna tell you cause it avoids them saying stupid things especially when too nervous. Just imagine talking to your intimidating boss thru phone.. lol.. Well I'm glad that you seem to be looking forward to know him betteR. As you said, he possess those non-negotiable characters you look for in a guy, that made him a date-worthy guy and he surely deserves your attention then.. Just take it slow and don't rush things. Dating can be fun and no need to rush to get into a relationship. I like the fact that you set your standards in choosing whom to date plus your non-negotiable preferences.. That's a smart way to survive dating. So keep it up and just enjoy it..=)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 9:10am

I'm glad I am not the only one who feels this way. I hate to talk on the phone. At my house, I can't get any privacy, my kids can hear everything I say, so I would rather a guy NOT call me and e-mail instead.

Plus, I am really visual, so I need to see facial expressions and body language when I am talking to someone. I spent an hour on the phone with a guy once (after "meeting" on line) and it seemed OK to me, but I never heard back, so I feel like had I been able to SEE him, I would have gotten a better feel for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 12:10am
Hi winluvnsparkle, Thanks for your reply. I emailed him last night so that he would not think I was not interested because I do want to get to know him. He emailed me back asking me if he could see me for lunch for a few minutes to talk and of course I said yes and asked him to join me during morning break because I had lunch plans (halloween luncheon at work). We had a great walk together, got to talk, laugh, joke around, and I really enjoyed his company. I did tell him nicely that I was not really into emailing and would like to talk on the phone to get to know him, he said fine and had not called because he was afraid if I did not want him to call me or where I was coming from with dating values (rules) in calling people. I told him it was fine for him to call me and that I would like to talk to him. Before I met him for morning break I got very nervous in my stomach, thinking what is he going to ask or what to talk about, it's funny because this time around I was the nervous one and could really feel myself blushing. I have pretty curly hair and left it curly style today, he really liked it and commented on my hair that it was beautiful. He just called me and want to get together on Sunday and told me he likes me, wants to get to know me. I am excited and looking forward to see how it goes. He makes me laugh, smiles, and ohhh blush to where I could not look at him in the eyes. Nice feeling to be complimented by a respectful man. I am holding on to this one - LOL.

Anna


Anna

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Sat, 11-08-2008 - 11:59am

I'm like you too. I like to talk face to face so I can read them from the way they act, not just the words they say.


;0)

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