Round Two with Mr. Potato Head

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Round Two with Mr. Potato Head
43
Sat, 04-25-2009 - 7:34pm

Late yesterday evening Mr. Potato Head sent me a longish friendly e-mail. And at the end he says, "There are no good movies this weekend, so let's plan to go out next weekend even if there isn't a good movie."

Notice he doesn't say what day. Notice also he is acting as if the only reason he didn't phone me to go out last weekend(or ask me out for this weekend)was that he was waiting for a good movie. (Shouldn't he have discussed it with me? Maybe there's a movie I wanted to see even if he didn't.)

I took my time answering, but in the end I told him that I wasn't going to agree to go out on a date with him again unless he made a specific commitment as far as day and approximate time, and communicated with me if he changed his mind. I explained that I had understood that he was going to call me the week before last, and he had just left it all in the air.

Now it is up to him. We will see what he says. I hope he takes it gracefully and apologizes, but I am not going to hold my breath. He's already shown me that he may disappear for a while if it suits him.

I'm a little worried, but I'm also relieved. I'd rather have this sort of thing out in the open.

Dabela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sat, 04-25-2009 - 8:57pm

I love how he just assumes you are available in a week! I also loves how he makes the plan, doesn't consult with you, then decides there is no plan. I thought the thing about dating was...you want to see the person, and the movie/dinner/drink part was just about finding a LOCATION to meet.

If I want to see a friend, I might say, maybe lets see a movie. If I can't find one I like, I say to her, lets go out to dinner instead. If she doesn't like that, she counters with another idea, and so on. The point is, we want to hang out together, we just need to figure out where to meet (of course, when it's a friend, you can go to their house, but this is a little different).

If you remained with this guy, I have a feeling he would want to call all the shots. Who needs that?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 7:32am

Bravo! You handled this beautifully.

In the book "The Rules for Online Dating" the authors call this a "bookmark". In other words, the guy is sort of asking you out, but there is no firm plan, just a vague "in the future" kind of thing. Of course, they say he's just not serious if that's what he's doing.

All you can do is stand up for yourself...hey, you're a gorgeous chick that has lots of opportunities and you don't need to be hanging around waiting for him to decide to make a date. If it's meant to be with this guy, he's just going to have to step up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 8:04am

Geeeezz, I think you would be better off without Mr Potato Head.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2001
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 1:26pm

Wow, I must have missed the beginnings of this thread, but you can't be calling this guy *Mr. Potato Head* for no reason.

A bookmark? Cute. I call these guys lazy daters or else The Clueless. He'll get a clue, though, when you're booked for real 'cause you didn't sit around waiting for him to make a plan and include you.

I'd probably be inclined to include him out, as my father used to say.

Let me know if your effort to straighten him out worked. I can't imagine he'd take it well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 2:24pm

I didn't read it as he was assuming I would be available in a week, but more that he wanted to reserve next weekend. Problem is, he wasn't asking about a specific date/time. The word "bookmark" describes it nicely. He could have done it if he had come through the last time, but clearly he just wants to have me in line, but not really commit himself.

My feeling is he likes the idea of dating me but is too messed up to want to make specific plans. It's not other women, it's his depression and his illness, and his family and his job and maybe the fear that he can't perform in bed. Whatever.

He has not replied to my reply, and this means I probably will not hear from him again. Which is fine. I set my standards and he chose not to meet them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 3:10pm

You know, the sad thing is I am NOT a "gorgeous chick." I am plump and middle-aged. (I may look 45 at 54, but I still look middle-aged.) In an era where thin is very important, I don't make the cut.

The men that are interested in me, as a rule, are men who have something wrong with them. They have health issues, money issues, emotional issues, weight issues of their own or all of the above.

Maybe that is true of all unmarried men in my age bracket who are not already "taken." (And probably a lot who are taken too.)

But I can't help feeling that if I could lose some weight (from "plump" to "thin") maybe I would attract a slightly better choice of men, preferably men who have the energy to stay interested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 3:14pm

Flaky is one way of putting it. And yeah, rather than have to deal with the uncertainty of "will he, won't he," I'd rather move on.

If only there were someone else on the horizon!

The reason I got so excited about him for a while is that there has been no one else I wanted to date in more than a year.

It's all very well to tell me not to be picky, but when I go out with a guy that I am not interested in, the odds are I will remain uninterested even if he is interested. And that's not fair to the guy, and very tiresome for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 3:17pm

The story of Mr. Potato Head is that I called him "Mr. Sweet Possibilities" initially, then he became "Mr. Disappointment." Meanwhile another poster (Chanadevorah?) suggested she thought of him as Mr. Sweet Potato and I decided that "Mr Potato Head" worked even better.

So no, I don't think he will take it/has taken it, well. I think he is just not going to contact me again. This is fine, because if he wants to date me, he needs to treat me like someone whose time and company he values.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 3:39pm

Lose weight if you want to for YOU, but my skinny gorgeous friends meet the same type of flakes and have the same issues with

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 11:39am

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