Round Two with Mr. Potato Head

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Round Two with Mr. Potato Head
43
Sat, 04-25-2009 - 7:34pm

Late yesterday evening Mr. Potato Head sent me a longish friendly e-mail. And at the end he says, "There are no good movies this weekend, so let's plan to go out next weekend even if there isn't a good movie."

Notice he doesn't say what day. Notice also he is acting as if the only reason he didn't phone me to go out last weekend(or ask me out for this weekend)was that he was waiting for a good movie. (Shouldn't he have discussed it with me? Maybe there's a movie I wanted to see even if he didn't.)

I took my time answering, but in the end I told him that I wasn't going to agree to go out on a date with him again unless he made a specific commitment as far as day and approximate time, and communicated with me if he changed his mind. I explained that I had understood that he was going to call me the week before last, and he had just left it all in the air.

Now it is up to him. We will see what he says. I hope he takes it gracefully and apologizes, but I am not going to hold my breath. He's already shown me that he may disappear for a while if it suits him.

I'm a little worried, but I'm also relieved. I'd rather have this sort of thing out in the open.

Dabela

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 4:25pm

I got a chuckle out of you not going alone to movies on Fri or Sat nights...I'm personally fine with going solo Friday nights but not Saturday, since it's "date night", LOL.


Sheri

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 4:31pm

Yeah, go figure. I can't site anything specific right now, but it just seemed that the picture she painted was kind of bleak. Maybe I read it too fast? And I suppose I'm just one of those people who does not find dating fun :(

OTOH, I really enjoyed A Fine Romance (I believe you recommended it). I found it to be very right on in its deconstruction of the arc of courtship/relationship. Very useful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 7:20am

'....And I suppose I'm just one of those people who does not find dating fun :('


Oh but dating is great fun!! I found it the greatest fun to be had, up until I got to about 28-30. Anything onwards from there... not so fun, not at all. Anything after 32, in my case, I'll describe in two words: torturous and soul-destroying. I'm assuming that we're both talking about dating to find a long term r-ship, not dating for kicks as you do when you're young. I'm 38 now, very happy with bf of 5+years and even the thought of having to 'go out there' again trying to sell myself to men just absolutely freezes blood

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 8:43am
Fridays are often date nights too--or at least they seem to be. To me it's not just that I feel stupid being alone on those days but that those evenings tend to be more crowded. If I'm going alone, I'd at least like a better choice of seats. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 10:25am
Actually I think when you're in your 20's that's when you're looking for a LTR that will hopefully end in marriage & kids. Now since I'm 51 & have been divorced twice, I'm obviously too old for kids and I really don't want to get married again. I don't know if I even want to live w/ somebody. So when I decide to start dating again, I don't really want to look at it as looking for a LTR--if it happens, that's fine, but I really want someone to just go out & have fun with, not something serious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 10:45am
Just goes to show how different people are... I didn't even reallly want a serious LTR till I got to about 28-29. Teens and twenties were fun-filled experience-sampling dating years for me. Then it started going downhill lol...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 10:54am

Hi all ladies,

It's getting painful for me to read your negativity in this post. I feel that I need to speak up here. I wanna share you my good news on how a book changes my life recently. The gals in 'Breaking Up is Hard to Do' introduced me to Marie Forleo's 'Make Every Man Want You'. This book isn't a typical dating book that gives you the dos or the don'ts.

This book teaches us how to bring out our natural irresistibility that all of us have deep down; no matter what mistakes you have in the past, no matter how old you are or no matter how unattractive you feel at this moment. It talks about how the concept of magnetizing men by being present, taking life as it is and being free from your mind that usually likes to talk about how unworthy you are.

I find myself more alive, more engaged to the people around me, including men by just living true to this very simple concept. It just feels so good, free from fear and worry that overwhelmed me last time. Everything else, other than the fact that we are OK now, are just illusions that's created by our own mind. This book teaches us how to become an authentic, irresistible and expressive women. Not someone that plays the game to manipulate men's attraction in any way.

Here's the link http://makeeverymanwantyou.com/

There's a free chapter download. You guys should read it and see for yourself what am I talking about :)

Moonglow 05
Moonglow 05
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 6:51pm

I hate to post another negative note, but I don't think its always an issue with how we feel about ourselves. I'm 43, pretty darn happy with

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2001
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 9:30pm

I love your two "camps" and as for Camp Fear of Being Alone, I'm not. I go plenty of places alone, including swing dancing, have been going for many years now and know a lot of people there, work as a greeter, etc. Dancing is great in so many ways, but I've realized I probably won't meet a "dancing man." Can't count on that particular asset--it's difficult enough to find someone who simply amuses, after all.

Now I'm in TOTAL agreement with you on everything Judy Sills. She's my mentor, even though she hasn't a clue about that status. Plus there's her other little gem of a book, the one titled something like Stop Looking for the Perfect Man, etc. An eye opener.

As for the dating thing, there seem to be so many men out there who're on a dating site, supposedly to date, but who don't seem to know what they want.

Most recently, for example, I went out with someone and had a really great time. A fun guy, easy to talk with, active, all that. Not particularly great looking, but his personality more than made up for plainish looks. "Let's do this again," said he. "I had a great time. You're really fun."

And then a few e-mails followed. The last one said "How's it going on POF? I'm the coolest date you'll ever have. Keep in touch."

I wrote back joking about how he was keeping me on the back burner, simmering. I just couldn't let him get away with pretending he was interested. And I also signed off saying: "Keep in touch."

I didn't care that he didn't respond to that--the day after I met him, although I'd enjoyed the *meet* well, let's face it. I had no illusions. I figured it was quite possible he wouldn't follow up.

And he didn't.

And that's what this whole thing is like. I don't regret meeting him. Every experience is fodder for my writing. It's also mostly fun. It's not as if I've met someone and fallen hard and he didn't respond. Yes, we've gotta have fun along the way. That is key.

I've met someone now and we've been out around five times: dinner, shopping for a computer, hiking. He is reading the Tao and we talk about that-- and I'm a bit reticent to start something serious right now, maybe cuz of a year or more of roller coaster rides. Or maybe I'm in Camp Afraid of Making Mistakes, at least this week.

We shall see. We shall all see.

I'll post on a new thread about Toxic again. I'm almost embarrassed to tell the latest and LAST chapter. I'll think about that tomorrow or after. Maybe at Tara.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-03-2009 - 10:33pm

Yes, indeed, we shall all see, LOL!