Round Two with Mr. Potato Head
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| Sat, 04-25-2009 - 7:34pm |
Late yesterday evening Mr. Potato Head sent me a longish friendly e-mail. And at the end he says, "There are no good movies this weekend, so let's plan to go out next weekend even if there isn't a good movie."
Notice he doesn't say what day. Notice also he is acting as if the only reason he didn't phone me to go out last weekend(or ask me out for this weekend)was that he was waiting for a good movie. (Shouldn't he have discussed it with me? Maybe there's a movie I wanted to see even if he didn't.)
I took my time answering, but in the end I told him that I wasn't going to agree to go out on a date with him again unless he made a specific commitment as far as day and approximate time, and communicated with me if he changed his mind. I explained that I had understood that he was going to call me the week before last, and he had just left it all in the air.
Now it is up to him. We will see what he says. I hope he takes it gracefully and apologizes, but I am not going to hold my breath. He's already shown me that he may disappear for a while if it suits him.
I'm a little worried, but I'm also relieved. I'd rather have this sort of thing out in the open.
Dabela

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Yes, Sheri, I read your post about the rotating guys, the mix, and all with a smile. I have thoughts, but they'll keep until you're back.
Maybe these guys (and the ones I'm shuffling as well) need to be under the *Do Not Resuscitate" heading, complete with a toe tag.
Then there's the cell phone ID thingy. You can put anything from *Toxic* Do NOT Answer
to
*Jerky Guy Calling*
because...well, because we've gotta take care of ourselves.
Plus which your guy who broke your heart is visiting the waterhole again. Those are the ones to watch.
I'll post next week on my Toxic guy.
Yeah. It'll embarrass me but it'll keep me honest.
OK, here's the thing. When a guy's broken your heart, can you ever trust him again?
www.mylifeasadate.com
www.mylifeasadate.com
But I can't help feeling that if I could lose some weight (from "plump" to "thin") maybe I would attract a slightly better choice of men, preferably men who have the energy to stay interested.> this is not true.
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Hey there, I'm back and still confused about what I want to do about the men in my life.
I don't want to hijack dabela's thread any further than we already have so feel free to email me your thoughts if you like or maybe I'll start a separate thread or post on yours if you start one about Toxic Guy.
And no, of course I can't trust the guy who broke my heart.
OK, I'll start a thread in a day or two--maybe something about how men simply don't change, and that's why responding when they visit the ole waterhole again rarely works. I'm thinkin' if the guy didn't *feel* it the first time around, he ain't gonna feel it the 2nd time.
Another topic is the need for *contact* from a man, even early on. Is it a sign he doesn't need the closeness that slightly more contact brings, or is he simply not that interested? I'm going through that right now.
The less frequent the contact, the cooler I get...
OK, later then!
Are you baaaack from vacation, Sheri?
www.mylifeasadate.com
www.mylifeasadate.com
This is an interesting 'veering off' but important I think.
The guy who broke my heart a few months ago is back. He told me he loves me, he talks about the connection between us, he sent me a message yesterday that he is 'proud' to know me.
So...what's his deal. I have learned to deal with his lack of contact...he really needs his space. Or does he? Is he just playing me? If I ignore him, he pursues. He's lived alone a long time, he just needs space...or am I justifying his behavior?
On the other hand, is my wanting more contact me being needy? I am finding that after having been away from him for a while, even I don't need/want constant contact. As a matter of fact, the less I have, the more I seem to be getting my life in order and feel like I am in control of this "game".
While he doesn't call much, I get a text or two, usually very nice, an insightful e-mail here and there, but when we see each other in person, I feel like I am getting his full attention. He tells me lots of his thoughts and feelings and asks about mine.
But with mr. shy he wants phone contact, but can't get it together to make real life contact EVEN WHEN HE HAS THE WEEKEND FREE! So there... I have a phone relationship! And even if we talk for an hour, I feel like he has asked/learned nothing about me.
So, which is it? More contact, but not fulfilling contact, or less contact, but the contact is more meaningful (not in terms of deep talk about the relationship, but just a more satisfying interaction).
I feel as if I have a LOT to say on this subject, but tonight I'll mention a few things. My sister and I have talked about this "need for contact" a lot recently.
I need that contact, especially with a new relationship, getting to know someone--I want the nurturing of contact about every other day. I need a phone call, and email helps too. I do NOT want to be with someone who doesn't need or want to talk with me at least every two days or so and get to know me. So, I am not willing to concentrate on the person I'm seeing now because he's not giving me the attention I need. He just called, in fact, and there's a lot of crap going on in his life and he was telling me about it. (Did I just write that?) And I don't mind because it's connecting. I don't know if he's clueless or he simply doesn't need the contact. I'll ask him the next time, I think. I'm getting to the point where I prefer to ask the hard questions rather than wonder. What's to lose, really? I might learn something in the asking.
I'm in contact with a couple other guys meanwhile.
What I want to say is we're all different in our contact *needs* but I'm learning to recognize what I don't want to live without. Spending one hour on the phone with a guy who isn't asking me out (is that what you meant, btw) is emotional energy misspent, IMO. You could be in contact with a few new prospects rather than this guy. Are you doing therapy with him? Bolstering his ego?
And the other guy is much like my Toxic or so it seems. Unavailable. Parsing out his time so he won't get attached? There's something VERY WRONG with "my" Toxic Man, something really screwy in his psyche. I can't speak for your guy. Professing his love, well, you'll be able to tell very soon. How?
His actions, don't you think? Actions don't lie.
And I've gotta go to bed, honey. Take care. We'll talk again.
www.mylifeasadate.com
www.mylifeasadate.com
<< I need to lose some weight to avert the diabetes that hits women in my family in their sixties, so there is a health reason. >>
Great reason to lose weight! Even without the threat of a specific disease, being fit and of the proper weight is a HEALTHIER life choice. Being overweight not only tends to shorten our lives, but it also affects the quality of life we have as we age.
<< But losing weight is boring, >>
This was always my problem, too. I couldn't lose weight until I found something that was absolutely FUN, which is what I encourage others to do also.
Are there any physical activities you enjoy?
Maybe tennis, volleyball, soccer, or something like that?
What about simply going to the park, or around the neighborhood, and walking with your ipod as you listen to your favorite music? You could probably even find a walking club to help keep each other accountable and make new friends.
There are lots of fun aerobics classes at gyms these days... latin fusion, kickboxing, zumba, step aerobics, pilates, spinning, etc.
What about ballroom dancing or salsa dancing? You may be able to find inexpensive or free NON-studio classes in your area. Hint: Dancing has the added benefit of allowing you to meet guys.
Whatever you choose, I suggest
1) Choose something fun, preferably fun enough to do whether you lose weight or not. This makes it a lifestyle choice, not just a
temporary weight loss choice
2) Start out with baby steps so you don't overwhelm yourself. Gradually increase as you phase your new routine into your life.
3) Be consistent. Work up to doing something everyday ASAP.
<< so aiming at attracting a better sort of man is as good a goal as any. >>
Good for you. People (men and women) who ignore the fact that presenting a thinner, more fit (i.e. healthier) looking body to the opposite sex will make someone more attractive, are simply in denial.
Of course there are a minority of guys who like "BBW's" and there are some women who like guys with "more to love", but let's keep it real... those folks are definitely in the minority.
Good luck to you. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you deserve the best!
I think that, for me, less contact is OK if I know that when the conversation/e-mail ends I don't wonder if there will be more contact, I KNOW there will be more.
Mr. Shy has called me two times this week, one hour or so each time. But he can't see me Wednesday, Thursday is tough, Friday, maybe, Saturday DAY might be OK. Meanwhile he doesn't have custody of his kids, works from home, doesn't even have his kids this weekend. But as of Tuesday, couldn't commit for a weekend night.
My GUESS is that he is bored being home all day and needs chat buddies. He's good conversation, but...
MY Mr. Toxic started his push-pull games again...so quickly this time! No contact Monday, Tuesday only because I asked him when he was free this week so I could make some plans (those darn kids!). I got back a text that he had a lot of golf this week...when did golf become a night sport?
I BLASTED him about the contact issue (never did that before...felt good). I said I would not play this game again, there are certain levels of contact that ARE EXPECTED when you tell someone you love her. Sent him a very long e-mail explaining MY rules. He sent a snippy one back. I sent another once again explaining why shutting people out makes them ANGRY. Today I got an e-mail with his going on about depression/cave time/walls,yadda, yadda, yadda.
That cave time concept is such a load of BS as far as I am concerned and it gives men license for bad/rude behavior. I like my alone time, too, but I don't shut people out.
Honestly...
I went back to read your former post. Let me get this straight. This is the guy who said he LOVES you?
It just goes to show that the *I Love You* thing means something different to everyone. To me--and I suspect to most women--it means I'm special. So, where's the special?
This guy has zero integrity, like MY Toxic Man. (I haven't posted about him yet because dredging up the e-mails isn't what I was feeling like doing this week...haven't forgotten, though.) You're talking DAYS of no contact. MY toxic would e-mail, but there'd be weeks, a month of not seeing one another. Last year it was MONTHS.
Enough of him for now.
It's plain unhealthy. Yeah, that overused and apt word. I don't think trying to straighten *them* out helps. It certainly won't work.
I've got two dates for Saturday night. One's a meet for ice cream. The 2nd is a motorcycle ride with a guy I've been out with several times.
Now pardon me, but THAT'S the way to get 'em outta yer head. Well, I'm trying, just hope not to be flying over the windscreen of that machine.
www.mylifeasadate.com
www.mylifeasadate.com
Yes, it's BS from this guy.
He's full of excuses and I would bet a large sum of money that will not change any time soon with him.
You're playing with fire getting involved with him again.
You've explained your rules...but will you enforce them I wonder?
Sheri
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